Saturday, February 10, 2018

Manifesting Your Life's Purpose Starts with Figuring Out WTF it is

February has rolled in and decided to stick around for a while, and finally my desire to shift professional gears has focused in on a specific thought: I want to write.

So, y'know... ignore all the typos and shit in my posts and just pretend I am a capable human being. Kay? Kay.

One of my favorite authors. I can certainly use all the help
I can get making this dream happen!

I have always written. All my life I've written. Sometimes silly little stories, sometimes poems, sometimes longer tales steeped in fantasy and a little horror. But mostly, it manifests in this blog and to a lesser extent my professional blog. Which I completely suck at keeping up to date at all. Seriously, the last time I wrote anything for that blog was, like, November.

I've re-upped my focus on the book I started writing last year. Revisiting, revising, adding, even going so far as to sending an extremely rough draft of a chapter to Best Guy just to see if it's worth pursuing any further.

(He loved it, for what's it's worth.)

(It's worth a hell of a lot, actually).

I've also got an idea for a second book, and I'm in the very early research stages of that as technically someone beat me to the punch. I've got the book on order and I'm looking forward to reading it. Not only because it's my jam but also because I think I'm going to take the topic someplace new and different. Which is a good thing.

I'm also trying to get over the fact that this author is very highly respected, has tons of experience under his belt, does loads of workshops and managed to snag a major publisher. I mean, who am I? Some random upstart from the middle of nowhere who has to be dragged out of the house more often than not and can't market herself or her business for anything because she's too antisocial to actually talk to anyone about anything.

You're going to hear me mention Impostor Syndrome a lot in the coming months. I warn you now.

I've also got a loose plan to get myself published, not only for the exposure and experience but professionally. As in, I want to make a living doing this. The goal is not the money, the goal is sharing something I believe has value. A wise person once said "Money is the grateful result, not the aim."

All I know is, the thing inspiring the most excitement and joy right now is the idea of writing. I have spent most of my life thinking that making a living writing was not something open to me. That I wasn't good enough, that it really can't be done for 99% of people who want to do it, that financial and personal security is found in more durable professions. Writing is not a profession... it's a hobby.

It's time to change my hobby into my profession.

Let's do this.

PS: if anyone has any idea how to do this, let me know. Because I'm floundering in the dark here. A flashlight, match, or glow stick would be greatly appreciate.

PPS: Yes, I have read Stephen King's On Writing and yes, I'll probably read it again real soon. I have my Grandmother's copy. She was a writer. Let's continue the tradition.

Thursday, February 1, 2018

Cleanse, Cold, Craziness, These are Words that Start with the Letter "C"

Today is February 1st, Imbolc if you are Pagan. Nutshelled, it's Celtic in origin and celebrates the germination of Springtime. In agrarian cultures, its when all the calves and lambs and such are being born. It's when - if you live in a place that is not Vermont - you might actually be able to say there is only six more weeks of winter left.

What is it like to only have three months of winter? Is it glorious? I would think it is glorious. Let me tell you what it's like to have six months of winter. It sucks.

Moving on...

Not sure of the Artist, but I have always
loved this depiction of Imbolc.

The sugar cleanse went pretty well generally speaking. Best Guy had a rough week or so after the first five days. My last few days were pretty rough, but I did well up until that point. We were on track to make it through the 31st when the Cleanse got called on account of an emergency room visit.

Let me explain.

Best Guy went to work as usual on the 30th. He had a snack around 9:30am or so, and started getting sharp pains in his abdomen and decided to come home. I was beginning to wonder where he was when I got a text saying he was at the police department. Whaaaa???

He passes the PD on the way home from work every day, and apparently that's as far as he got before the pain became so overwhelming he couldn't drive anymore. One of the cops called an ambulance for him and after a few minutes of being assessed they brought him to the hospital.

Having no previous experience having a loved one being rushed to an emergency room, I didn't really know what I was supposed to do. But for fuck's sake, I didn't want to be wandering around the house scared as fuck. So I confirmed with BG, got dressed and made my way up to the ER.

Let me tell you, when you're scared as fuck and all you want to do is race to the ER, that is the time when every slow-moving, not-a-care-in-the-world car driver gets ahead of you, and every cop car in a tri-county area decides that staking out your route is a good idea.

I got there. I parked as far away from the ER as I could get, mainly because I didn't know where I was going or what I was doing. But I found the ER and I found BG, who was laying there in a johnnie, his jeans, and his winter hiking boots. The Goober.

Thank god for phone cameras. I would never have remembered this.

We of course ended up being there for several hours and I had to cancel my clients for the day. Long story shortened, after an x-ray, an ultrasound, a fair amount of pain meds and some blood tests, it was confirmed he had gallstones and probably passed it while he was in the ER. They let us go around 3pm, just walked out with no more pain meds or anything. Because it had literally passed.

The ironic thing of it all is, BG's significant weight loss (at least 10 pounds) because of the sugar cleanse probably triggered the release of the gallstone.

So yeah. I brought BG home, got him settled on the couch with the remotes, made him some soup and went to get his car. Which was still at the police station. I swung by the grocery store to get him more soup (easily digestible) and me a fucking pizza. Let me tell you. That night (after not eating since breakfast), I had myself a non-cleanse approved feast of pizza, Doritos, and wine.

It was glorious.

Ironically enough, we both went back to eating cleanse-like the next morning. Which is a good thing, and points to the fact that we changed some of our habits for the better over the last thirty days. There were a lot of aspects that we actually wanted to keep up. We both lost a fairly significant amount of weight: 8 pounds for me, and while BG doesn't weigh himself he estimates at least 10 pounds for him, if not more.

So now, coming into the first of the month, we've shifted the cleanse to become a more reasonable way of eating. We've also modified it to be low-fat, because that (along with the high fiber) will help prevent this from happening to BG again.

Going forward, we will:

  • Limit bread consumption to one super good loaf a week. We have incredible artisinal bakers in the State and one loaf is worth the crazy price tag.
  • All store bought items need to be less than 10g of sugar and 10g of fat. The lower the better.
  • All fruits and veggies are for consumption
  • Proteins are beans, legumes, tofu, tempeh, seitan, and some store-bought items where you can pronounce the ingredients
  • Eggs and dairy are limited to twice/week
  • Juices are limited to twice a week
  • GF crackers are limited to one box a month, since we tend to binge them
  • Nothing with refined flours (cakes, cookies, crackers) or refined soy products (soy protein isolate)
  • Saturday is a cheat day for both of us, because quality of life!

I will leave on this note. I had avocado toast for three of my four meals yesterday. Oh my fuck I can't remember the last time something tasted so damned divine.

Last Chance.

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