I have been struggling this week.
As awesome as the Ren Faire was (and as glorious as this sunburn is), this week has been.... lacking.
I think compounded on my internal issues is the guilt I feel in feeling bad at all. My issues are pretty minor in the grand scheme of things, and there are people (hell, friends) who are in much worse shape with much bigger problems.
But... you feel what you feel, and adding guilt on top of the feels you feel certainly isn't going to help anything, is it?
And if you followed that, you get a gold star.
Work has been slow this week. And by slow, I mean sssllllllllooooooowwwwwwww. As amazing as May was (once of my best months to date), June has been the opposite. It's the nature of the business, and I know this. I also know that when the tourist-appropriate business are booming, the local resident-based businesses slow down. I'm now in the latter market.
The upside is that it has given me more time to write and focus on the more desk-based side of my business. But it also means I've had time to worry about numbers. Because that's what it all boils down to, isn't it? I love having the time to sit and write, but that isn't currently bringing in cash.
This has also been one of the rainiest springs/summers I can remember in recent history. Yes, I got a sunburn on Saturday, but we've also had rain every day (including early Saturday morning) for virtually a month now. At least. It has been gray far more than it has been sunny out, and I'm over it.
I've also been working on my October schedule. Yes, in June. Because of the focus of our dance troupe, our October performance schedule tend to fill up fast. Added in to that is a trip to Wales for Best Guy and I (his band is performing in a Festival there). It is already doubtful that I will be able to attend a convention that has historically paid off well for my private practice. I mean, Wales. So, not too heartbroken about that. But still.
Because of our trip to Wales, we are socking away all the money we can right now to ensure we have a good time. We will be able to write many of those expenses off because it is Band Business, but we'll still need the money before tax time. But because we are saving for something specific, it means that other things need to get passed up. My dojo puts on a Martial Arts Camp in August for the grown ups, and they've been raving about it and it seems like everyone is going.
Everyone but me.
It's not that it is expensive. But that money would be better placed in our Travel Bank Account, earmarked for UK Awesomeness. Because at this point, every dollar counts. I am planning on attending next year. And it's not a big deal. It just throws me back to the good ol' school days when everyone was doing the Thing, and I had to choose carefully. Because often times it was between doing the Thing and going to College.
This, of course, taught me the fine art of prioritization. But damn it, it made for a disappointed kid more often than not. I always made the right choice, and my parents always supported me and did the best the could for us. I love and appreciate that, and I'm grateful for all of it. But it's not fun feeling like a 15 year old. You know? Not at this point in my life.
Like I said, really small deal bullshit. But it has been dragging me down this week. This and other stuff that is equally small. But I guess when enough small things pile on you, you still get weighed down. Even if you have no business complaining because you're still in an awesome house, with an awesome husband, and we both have awesome jobs and awesome hobbies.
This post has been very woe-is-me and if you've bothered to read this much you're probably ready to drown your sorrows in donuts or something. I'd apologize, but donuts.
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