Thursday, June 29, 2017

Cry me a River.... of DONUTS

I have been struggling this week.

As awesome as the Ren Faire was (and as glorious as this sunburn is), this week has been.... lacking.

I think compounded on my internal issues is the guilt I feel in feeling bad at all. My issues are pretty minor in the grand scheme of things, and there are people (hell, friends) who are in much worse shape with much bigger problems.

But... you feel what you feel, and adding guilt on top of the feels you feel certainly isn't going to help anything, is it?

And if you followed that, you get a gold star.

Work has been slow this week. And by slow, I mean sssllllllllooooooowwwwwwww. As amazing as May was (once of my best months to date), June has been the opposite. It's the nature of the business, and I know this. I also know that when the tourist-appropriate business are booming, the local resident-based businesses slow down. I'm now in the latter market.

The upside is that it has given me more time to write and focus on the more desk-based side of my business. But it also means I've had time to worry about numbers. Because that's what it all boils down to, isn't it? I love having the time to sit and write, but that isn't currently bringing in cash.

This has also been one of the rainiest springs/summers I can remember in recent history. Yes, I got a sunburn on Saturday, but we've also had rain every day (including early Saturday morning) for virtually a month now. At least. It has been gray far more than it has been sunny out, and I'm over it.

I've also been working on my October schedule. Yes, in June. Because of the focus of our dance troupe, our October performance schedule tend to fill up fast. Added in to that is a trip to Wales for Best Guy and I (his band is performing in a Festival there). It is already doubtful that I will be able to attend a convention that has historically paid off well for my private practice. I mean, Wales. So, not too heartbroken about that. But still.

Because of our trip to Wales, we are socking away all the money we can right now to ensure we have a good time. We will be able to write many of those expenses off because it is Band Business, but we'll still need the money before tax time. But because we are saving for something specific, it means that other things need to get passed up. My dojo puts on a Martial Arts Camp in August for the grown ups, and they've been raving about it and it seems like everyone is going.

Everyone but me.

It's not that it is expensive. But that money would be better placed in our Travel Bank Account, earmarked for UK Awesomeness. Because at this point, every dollar counts. I am planning on attending next year. And it's not a big deal. It just throws me back to the good ol' school days when everyone was doing the Thing, and I had to choose carefully. Because often times it was between doing the Thing and going to College.

This, of course, taught me the fine art of prioritization. But damn it, it made for a disappointed kid more often than not. I always made the right choice, and my parents always supported me and did the best the could for us. I love and appreciate that, and I'm grateful for all of it. But it's not fun feeling like a 15 year old. You know? Not at this point in my life.

Like I said, really small deal bullshit. But it has been dragging me down this week. This and other stuff that is equally small. But I guess when enough small things pile on you, you still get weighed down. Even if you have no business complaining because you're still in an awesome house, with an awesome husband, and we both have awesome jobs and awesome hobbies.


This post has been very woe-is-me and if you've bothered to read this much you're probably ready to drown your sorrows in donuts or something. I'd apologize, but donuts.

You're welcome.

Monday, June 26, 2017

We'll Meet You at the Ren Faire

Well, we won't because it already happened. But now you know where we were this past weekend. We're both sunburned (my lines a little more creative than Best Guy's considering my costuming), but overall we had a great time.

This year, our regular drummer got called away on family business so Best Guy was kind enough to allow me to rope him in to playing. Of course, he had no experience with Middle Eastern rhythms, but why allow that to stop you? By all accounts, he nailed it. And it was wonderful having him with us all two days.

And now... some highlights.  Because our normal photographer/videographer was playing the drums this time, we had to rely on the kindness of strangers, so to speak. I can't seem to figure out how to get these videos to play here, but if you click on the links they will take you directly to the videos on the relevant home pages.

My friend DC chowing down on a turkey leg.

Yes, I had one. Yes, it was glittery and sweet and delicious.

My second day look. I was going for "Fairie"

My first day look. Although I managed to dance without the sunglasses.
That necklace made for some very interesting burn lines that night.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

No More Apologies

Well, except when I do something wrong, of course. Then, once I get over the indignity of being told I am not the 100% perfect creature I am in my own mind, I will apologize.

What I am done apologizing for is my unique idiosyncrasies that make up my personality. All those quirks that put me just outside societal norms and dictates? Yeah. I'm owning them. They're me. And let's face it, I've made to 43 with the vast majority of these things, so they're not something I can just "work on" and will into complacency. They are who I am. I like who I am.

So no more apologies.

I like to swear. I'll try not to do it 'round your kids but I can't promise anything. Look at it this way: at least they're learning from a Master.

I am a planner. I have a clear understanding each morning of how my day is going to go. I can't guarantee how flexible I can be on any given day; it depends on how much I am cramming into it. So, if you try to change my daily head plan, you can expect anything from a mild "harumph ok" to an extreme meltdown. You have inconvenienced me. You deal with the consequences.

I hate driving. I especially hate driving in unfamiliar areas. I will do anything in my power to have someone else do this for me. I will also never drive more than 5 miles over the speed limit.

I don't like going out to bars all night long. They're loud, noisy, smelly, and annoying.

I don't like beer. Not even your artsy, fartsy, hopsy-wopsy hard-to-get beer. It all tastes like stale bread, people. Get over yourselves.

I am quirky, odd, and derpy. I will say and do weird things. Just try to enjoy the entertainment.

If you are a friend or family or someone I like/love, I have got your back. I'll always tell you the truth (even if you don't want it), and I'll support you in whatever you choose. Unless it's illegal. Because I'm not going down with or for you.

I believe that everyone has the right to love and be loved in return.

No apologies.

Last Chance.

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