Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Yeah, the Moratorium on Major Life Change is Shot to Shit

So.... this happened yesterday:

Squee (!)

His name is Toby. They posted a picture of him on the Humane Society page and Best Guy got down to meet him as soon as possible. BG met him at 1pm, and by 3:30 he was loaded up in the car and on the way to Pet Food Warehouse. Such a quick turn around!

It took a little while for him to warm up to me since we didn't met until I got home from work, but I knew that going in. Hot dogs and string cheese helped on that end.

He is eight years old, and while the online profile said mixed breed his papers said beagle. So now we have another beagle. He spent the entire first eight years of his life with a little old lady, so the last three weeks have been pretty traumatizing for him. Luckily he wasn't with the Humane Society for very long.

So far as we can tell, he's never been to a vet so that will have to happen. He's got a tooth that will most likely need to be pulled, and he's overweight.

He's my little porkie pie.


Apparently the little old lady just left food out for him to eat as he wanted. So he did. That, combined with what was likely very little exercise made him a li'l butterball. We're going to be more stingy with the food and he'll definitely been getting more exercise with us, so I think the weight will come off quickly. From what little I've seen already, he wants to move and I think he is going to greatly enjoy his new-found freedom in that aspect of his life.

He seems pretty uninterested in the cats, which is a very good thing. They've been wary but so far nothing's gone down. Although Beck did try to have a staring contest with him. I told her to back off though and she non-chalantly decided to groom herself by the heater. Just playing it cool.

We will be dealing with separation anxiety for a while. He was very unsettled when BG left for work this morning, and it took a while of petting, snuggles, and rolling around in the grass out back before he exhausted himself into sleep. We are going to have to tag-team so one of us is with him for a while. Luckily my schedule has opened up considerably so it should help. He is also a snuggle monster so there will be lots of scritches in the future.

I am just so beyond happy that I am a Doggie Mama again. Love!

We didn't even bother trying to keep him off the family room couch.
We knew it was a battle we'd never win.

Monday, April 25, 2016

Project 251: Meh, We Were Going There Anyway

On Saturday I got out of work early, so we were trying to figure out something to do before heading to a friend's Remembrance Party in Montpelier later on in the day. The party was in honor of a friend's parents, who died just eleven days apart back in February.

We decided that, since it was a sunny day and we had to drive an hour to get there, we might as well knock off a few more towns on the way. So... we present to you the I Need To Stop Yelling at Best Guy to TURN HERE After We've Already Passed the Turn installment of Project 251:

#46: Waterbury. I lived here for many years after college. Parts of Me,Myself and Irene
were filmed here and one night as I was looking out my apartment bedroom window
I saw Jim Carrey wander through the parking lot. True Story.

#47: Middlesex. Sex.

#48: Moretown. There is much more to Moretown than either of us knew, so
we took this crappy shot when there was a whole actual town we could have used.

#49: Duxbury. There was a lame joke about burying ducks. It wasn't mine.

#50: Berlin. We've been trying to get one of VT's awesome old cemeteries
for a while now. Most of these headstones are from the mid 1800's.

Friday, April 22, 2016

Fear, Risk, and Moving Forward

It has been a long road with lots of conversation, but last week I finally invested 100% in myself. I gave notice at my Spa job.

This past year has been a long one full of professional frustration, confusion, and struggle. It has helped me redefine what I am looking for and what I need out of my career, something I had not previously put too much thought in.

I had always assumed that I would work for others. Heck, it was my default setting. I'd been doing it since I graduated college. Because that's what you were supposed to do. You graduate high school, go to college, get a job, pay into your 401k for 35 years and then retire.

My first inkling that there could be something more than a 9-5 (which, honestly is more 8-7 these days) was when I became a Massage Therapist. But even then, the work-at-one-place, earn a paycheck model was still firmly attached to my brain. There was no other way to make a living. Sure, other people went out on their own. But I can't do that. It's far too risky for someone in my situation.

Well, guess what? All of those excuses I used have officially dissipated. I've taken the leap, I've done the paperwork. I've rented the space. I'm all good to go.

All I need are clients.

Here's the - ha ha - rub. It is one thing to set things up so you can go it on your own, but if you keep the full time job "until you get on your feet", you'll never find that traction. Because that other full time job with its paycheck and if your lucky benefits will demand all of your professional time and attention. It is paying for your energy and it will use up every last ounce of it. And if you have a family and other obligations, they will demand what little free time and energy you have left. That leaves nothing left for your own thing. No time left to go out and find any clients. So, you have this great thing that no one will ever know about.

There's no risk in that. None at all.

Great strides forward, great progress, requires risk. You've got to be willing to put everything on the line for what you want. Greatness demands Sacrifice.

This last year has helped me define and shape what I want to offer the world. It has helped me see work that I needed to do and ways of thinking that needed changing.

Will this journey be easy? Heck no. Will I be scared shitless? Heck yes. But this choice will finally give me the freedom of practicing exactly how I want to practice, it will allow me to finally pick up all of the self-care practices that have fallen by the wayside over the last six years either due to cost or exhaustion, and it will allow me to live my life on my terms.

I am grateful for this opportunity, and I plan to make the most out of it.

Onward and upward.

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

31 Days

Just 31 more days to go.


This weekend my Gaias gathered at my house for a run-through of the song we'll be dancing to and to have Best Guy take some publicity shots of us, since venues keep asking us for pictures and all we've got is the one where we're all dripping blood.
I'd say we succeeded in non-bloody pics. Earth, Fire, Air, Water here. In the woods behind our place.

I was also supposed to have a dress fitting. Which mostly went as planned, except for the part where I had a mild panic attack and I practically ripped the dress off of me.
Ha. This is me in my Mom's wedding dress. Trust me, there will not be a veil.


I am not prone to panic attacks. I think I've had maybe three in my life. I didn't even know that's what it was until the next day when I did a little searching online. It surprised the heck out of me, to be sure. I had been looking forward to this moment for a week. So to freak out once the dress got on me? A not even finished dress? I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Luckily all of my friends were super cool and understanding. One more reason I love the lot of them. I am going to head down to my dressmaker friend's business on Monday so we can finish the fitting. And I've promised no fainting or freaking.

In less baffling news, the cupcakes are all sorted and finalized. We've ordered our varieties and pre-paid. The invite list is 95% confirmed, with just a couple hold-outs. We've been word-of-mouth confirming people as we go along. Luckily, with a guest list of just 50 or so, it's easy to do. We'll be confirming with the caterer soon, and I've lined up a good friend to do my hair and makeup for the day. Because I get to feel pretty on my wedding day. Damn it.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

One Month, Eight Days

Shit is gettin' real, yo.

We have our wedding license. We can technically get married right now if we wanted to. My brother will be applying for his one-day officiant permit soon. My friend is bringing my dress up this weekend so I can have a fitting before we have a rehearsal (my dance troupe is doing a bit during the reception). This past weekend, we went up to my brother's place and cleaned out the barn and made some headway on where we want the outside ceremony.

Because it WILL be 72 degrees and sunny all day long.

I've got my shoes, and my jewelry. I spent some serious (for me) cash on the jewelry: a couple handmade in Vermont items that are absolutely stunning. Of course, it made me up my game so what I planned to do for my hair and bouquet suddenly became tacky. So now I have a simple headband for my hair and.... not sure what I'm going to do for my bouquet. I will either see what is blooming and just snip a few flowers the day of or swing by the grocery store and pick up a $12 bunch of flowers and tie a ribbon around the stems.

My pile o' Wedding Shit. It's not big enough. I am failing on the Wedding Shit front.

Both Best Guy and I are feeling like we're a little behind, but I don't think that's really the case. I think this is the first time the ceremony has felt so close. I mean, up until this point it was just this thing we were doing in the future. At 38 days out (urk) suddenly the future isn't so far away. There is still a lot of work that needs to be done in the barn, and weekends have already filled up with non-barn cleaning related activities. Because in addition to getting married, Best Guy and I had the brilliant idea to start up a new business, record a new album, and redecorate the house.

But seriously, our living room is awesome now. Plus, YELLOW CURTAINS.

That Moratorium on Major Life Changes is shot to shit. No wonder we're both feeling stressed out and anxious.

I guess if you aren't biting off more than you can chew, you aren't living life to it's fullest.

Holy crap I am fucking getting married!!!!!! Woo-HOOOOOOO!!!!!

Friday, April 8, 2016

Doing Things Out of Guilt is Not an Effective Life Management Tool

This world is not always kind to those who look around and see other people as people: individuals who see the humanity behind each set of eyes, who realize that there are emotions, needs, and desires lurking there. This world all too often rewards detachment and callousness. When you don't care how your actions affect others, this world is a much easier place to navigate.

When you see others for the people they are, it can be difficult to stand up for yourself and to do the things you need for fulfillment. Those of us who are empaths or highly empathetic can often feel responsible for things that wouldn't register for others. You can see that every action has a consequence. You see that taking a sick day means someone else has to drop what they are doing and cover for you. You see how running late means everyone else is now running late too. How can you not feel guilty about this? How selfish you are for making everyone change their life for you.

I am not saying you should never feel guilty. That is an appropriate emotion for appropriate situations. Lord knows I have done enough over the years to feel justifiably guilty. When that happens, I do my best to acknowledge my behavior, apologize if necessary and move on.

But when you start feeling guilty about doing sticking up for yourself and doing what is best for you, that's when the problem starts. It can keep you from doing anything. You end up constantly backing down and letting go of the things that will fulfill your needs, all from fear of putting the other individual out.

It's all about perception. And what we perceive isn't always what is.

In so many cases, our perceived guilt is a case of projection. When you project your feelings and emotions on to another and then make decisions that go against your needs based on those projected feelings... well. That sounds pretty fucked up, doesn't it?

You are holding yourself in place. Why? Well, lots of reasons. Maybe you've been trained since childhood that your needs are secondary or don't matter at all. Maybe that Big Thing you've always wanted is finally happening and you're terrified you'll screw it up. Maybe what you know - no matter how much you hate it or how badly it drains you - is better than the unknown. Maybe you've gotten so used to being cast as the victim that it is inconceivable that you are now doing it to yourself.

Whatever the reason, if the guilt is holding you back from being your own authentic self, then it's time to tell the guilt to fuck the fuck off. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to have your wildest dreams come true, and you deserve to move forward in your life in peace and contentment.

In the end, the only person who can make sure all your needs are met is you. Compassion is key, and compassion for yourself is every bit as important as compassion for others. When you recognize other's humanity even in the face of being true to you, good things will happen.

Yes, it is scary as fuck to stick up for yourself, and no, not everyone's reaction is going to contain the same amount of compassion you are trying to put out into the world. But other's reactions are about them, not you. When you are making choices from a place of compassion, honesty, and peace, they are always the right choices.

So, the next time you feel guilty about putting in for time off or saying no to a request, ask yourself this: where is this guilt coming from? Why am I feeling it? Would a decision based on this guilt serve my higher good, or is going to subjugate my needs because I fear making someone else's life more difficult? If so, will that person's life actually be more difficult? No, really. Will it? Are you that important a part of that person's life?

Then put in for that time off, have yourself a whopper of a margarita and rejoice in the fact that you need not feel the least bit guilty about it.


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