Friday, February 5, 2016

When Justification is Cold Comfort

I finally received all of my W2s last week and for the first time was able to do a little math. You know that poverty line? Yeah, I was below it.

Which on the one hand makes me feel justified in being so freaked out about finances last year.

And on the other hand makes me feel tired and angry. Because in so many other places in this world, I'd be considered wealthy. The injustice that my money would go so far and help so many people elsewhere yet would have left me homeless and struggling here in this country of "plenty" is weighing on my conscious.

We have so much here, and yet so little.

It is tiring to constantly have to flounder about in a broken system, knowing that however bad it is, it could be a lot worse. It makes you feel guilty for being upset that you have so little when so many others have so much less and would kill to have whatever little I had. Yet what little I had wasn't enough to support me last year.

There is no winning. No one should have to struggle to feed and house and clothe themselves or their family. And yet it is a world-wide problem.

I am eternally grateful for what I did make last year, because it could have been a lot less. I am grateful that I had a loving, understanding Partner who saw me struggling with my inability to contribute as much as I wanted to and supported me through my frustrations.

Mostly, though, I am glad it is a new year. I can put the stress and anxiety of last year behind me and go forward in abundance. Because it is all around me (and I'm not talking financially).

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