Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Every Oopsie is an Opportunity for Growth. Painful, Wonderful Growth

As you may recall, about a month ago I posted that I had accepted a second part-time job to help with my finance situation. On paper, this is a good job with growth potential. In reality, for reasons I will not go into online, things are not working out for me.

It is heartbreaking for me to say this. The last time I walked away from a job this soon after starting it was my "first job" in high school. I was a (very bad) cashier in a grocery store, back when you had to enter everything in manually and actually rely on math. I lasted two weeks there.

With the realization that my needs were not getting met with this second job, I have come to see many things:

  1. My issues regarding scarcity and abundance are very deep and far reaching. I don't know where the heck they came from, but I'm never going to be successful or content until I get to the bottom of these issues.
  2. Having a rational conversation with a Partner and coming to solutions that benefit the family are very wonderful.
  3. Sometimes doing what's best for you will mean disappointing other people. You cannot control what these other people say or feel. You can only do your best to be kind and compassionate and understanding. 
  4. Be secure in your Truth and know that not speaking It ultimately hurts everyone. 
I am lucky in that things have turned out okay, but the hardest part of this little fiasco is yet to come and I am dreading it. I do not do well with confrontations and I fear I am guaranteed one. 

I do not feel guilty about my choice; but knowing others will not like it and speak ill of me for it weigh on my conscience. But I am doing what is right for me in this moment.

With this choice, I will have the time to sort out those issues that needs sorting and get moving on creating a private practice. Which is bringing up its own issues. But if I don't get those scarcity issues out of the way now, when I go out on my own and initially bring in little to nothing, it's going to be a shift for the whole family. One I don't think we're ready for yet. But all things in their time.

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