I have been having many conversations with my friend T lately regarding scarcity/abundance. Well really, I've been struggling with scarcity and she's been trying to re-frame my thoughts to abundance. I've got to give her mad props for her tenacity.
I hadn't realized just how far down the rabbit hole I'd sunk until a conversation with Best Guy earlier today. We were talking about finances and I was telling him how much was in my account and he let me know how much is in his - and as of yesterday, our - account. Instead of my fears being assuaged, my first words were "but you like to keep it at twice that amount!"
I was paralyzed with scarcity fear. Even though we are fine, because I had some arbitrary number in my head that he mentioned once six months ago, I was ready to go into lock-down mode.
That's when I realized that my default setting was stuck to PANIC.
The thing is, sometimes things are scarce. Sometimes you have to account for every last cent, make sacrifices, and do without. Recognizing the reality of the situation and doing what you need to do to survive are valuable skills that have a place and time.
But when things turn around and you can't let go of the fear, then you've got a problem. You are constantly stuck in panic mode. You can't move forward, because deep down you never believe that there is a future where thriving - and not merely surviving - is an option.
Living in constant scarcity wears you down. The next time a snarky comment about how those living in poverty always seem to have money for alcohol and cigarettes comes to mind, try to think about what it is to live in constant, unending panic. The anxiety, fear, and frustration never go away. Hope is lost and the belief that there can never be anything else is all-encompassing. Anything that will deaden that feeling for a few moments is a soothing balm.
Even though I love being a Massage Therapist, it can be tough to make a living at it. The constant hustle of supporting myself in my chosen profession these last five years have left me fearing that I won't be able to pay my bills or buy groceries. That is 1,825 days of an inner monologue of fear. It only takes 15 days to develop a habit. It is no surprise that my thoughts always turn to what I "can't" have and afford. I've trained myself to think that way.
I am not doing this alone anymore. There is abundance all around me. I am so very lucky. I have so much, and there is so much open to me. It is time I opened my eyes to see it.
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