Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Oh, the Humanity.

Our egos. Our damned, cunning, brilliant egos. They go along, propping us up, making us think that we are More, Better, Above... and then something comes along to put us back in our place. Something that makes us confront the reality that we are in fact mere mortals. We are humans who do stupid things and put their foots in their mouths and muddle around wondering why things aren't turning out the way we thought they would.

Yeah, so I had a bad day at work yesterday.

As the saying goes "we all make mistakes." But really, when we say that we mean "everyone else makes mistakes, but I don't." Because even if we truly believe that everyone makes mistakes, secretly we think we're above that. Because our egos tell us this is the case. So whenever we get a good dose of our own humanity, it sends us reeling. It's okay for others to goof up; they're just humans.

I got a good whopping dose of my own humanity yesterday.

It turns out, I am not above my emotions. I get angry, hurt, and frustrated, and sometimes they do the driving.

The thing is, we all let those emotions take the wheel occasionally because they'll cut through the bullshit faster than we ever could. We'll get to where we really want to go that much faster. It's a very messy, sloppy way of getting what we want, whether we know we want it or not.

All this is compounded by a very sad dream I had this morning before waking up. The kind of dream that was about one thing, but very obviously about something else. I am grieving for something I love, something that I am losing*. The sadness is very real, and denying it would probably only make things worse.

Time marches on. The anger and sadness fade. New things come. In the grand scheme of things this comedy of errors is a tiny blip on my life's radar.

Now that I've had my steaming dose of reality, I've nothing left to do but to keep on walking forward.

*Before you ask, me and Best Guy are doing juuuust fine. :-)

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