Friday, April 3, 2015

More Like Water, Less Like Rock

Yesterday and today have been blessedly warm in Vermont. Like, 50's and 60's. Which we have not seen since November. Since tomorrow is going to plummet back into the 30's and snow is likely, this had to happen this morning:

Can I tell you how very, very good that felt? I didn't really do anything much. There was a lot of time spent in supta baddha konasana and savasana. Because both let me lie there in the sun. Which is warm.

Warm sun. Imagine that.

And then, if that weren't enough, I hauled Best Guy's meditation cushion out there and then I sat. I have no idea how long. It doesn't really matter. I listened to squirrels scurry, woodpeckers have at it, someone shoveling, the traffic go by. I felt the sun on my skin. I felt my body rock gently back and forth as it pulsed fluid through my veins. I watched the colors changed on my closed eyelids.

It came to me what my work now is. Trust. I need to work on my Trust. I need to trust that things will be okay. I need to trust in my own intuition, my own Self. I need to trust those around me, because they love me very much. I need to trust that where I am and what I'm doing is exactly the right thing for me in this moment.

I need to stop trying to force change simply for change's sake.

My struggle with my relationship to yoga and meditation is an ironic one, because I find so much in practicing both. I find peace, aggravation, confusion, fear, beauty... all the things I'm supposed to be finding. This is also part of my work now. How do I define this relationship? What are their places in my life?

And it all comes back to trust, doesn't it?

Trust. Trust in the goodness of others. Trust in my own strength. Trust in the grandness of time. Trust in the lessons, trust in the pain.


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