The Yoga of ARGGGGGHHHHHHH

Last night in dance class while we were warming up the teacher had us go into Pigeon Pose, and I was knocked over the head with the realization that it has been months since I've gone to an actual yoga class. At least three, possibly more.

Look at me, all bendy and outside and warm. Those were the days....

And I call myself a "yoga teacher."

I'd like to think that these days I'm focusing more on the subtle internals of Yoga as opposed to the asanas.

Yeah, I like to think that.

It's really not all that far from the truth, I suppose. I am doing my best to refrain from judging (or at least calling myself on it when I do), maintain honesty, breath through troubling situations, maintain respect, kindness and compassion for others. Best Guy and I go to meditation sits on Sunday nights (but not every Sunday night, because I am a bad influence on him).

I guess the reality is, when things are going well you tend to not follow all those habits that made you feel better when things weren't going so well. Yoga helped me through a pretty rough patch in my life. These days, I'm feeling pretty good about things and frankly, I just don't want to delve back into the Shadow. I know it's there (it always is), but god DAMN it I've spent so much of my life hindered by it I just want to fucking enjoy the light a little.

I have been feeling anxious on and off - mostly on - for almost two weeks now. There are a lot of different things feeding in to my low-level anxiety, unfortunately. The Yoga has helped me recognize, breathe through, and if not release then at least name all of the different feeds. Sometimes simply being able to name it takes the power out of the distress.

Yoga is there for the good times and the not-so-good times. It makes a bad day better and a good day great. So really, I have no excuse for not going. I just haven't wanted to, haven't made the effort to, found other things to do (up to and including sitting on the couch in my pajamas watching Buffy re-runs).

The thing is, you don't need a class to do Yoga. The poses are just a small part of it. Going inward, silencing the mind, opening it up, opening yourself up. That's all Yoga.

And that is something you can do in your pajamas on the couch. Maybe mute Buffy though.


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