Decemberish

This time of year always makes me feel sad and anxious.

The anxiety... well, a lot of that comes from media bombardment. Buy This! Buy That! 6am Doorbusters! Your significant other really wants that TV, forget about the debt you'll go in to purchase it. Holiday Movies! A Boyfriend for Christmas! Sad, Lonely, Career Girl Wishes for Love from Santa Because The Only Time A Woman is Fulfilled is When She's Married!

Woah. Enough Hallmark Channel for me....

The sadness... well. Have 3/4 of your family knock off in a six year time frame and you're bound to feel their absence this time of the year.

I celebrate Christmas. I let go of the Christian religious aspects of it a long time ago. I put up a tree, but there is no star or angel at the top of it; rather a Holly King (pretending to be Santa) gets the honor. I give presents, not because the Wise Men did it, but because its a way to show my love, appreciation and affection for my friends and family. I listen to Christmas carols not because they celebrate Baby Jesus but because some of them are true works of art (and others just make me smile). I don't get angry over the Christmas consumerism because it removes Christ from Christmas. I get angry because it is indicative of larger, more insidious cultural, political and economic issues that also contribute to the sadness and anxiety I feel.

I have very fond memories of this holiday growing up. My dad loved it. My extended family came over and the house was full of conversation, people, love and food. Seeing this beloved childhood tradition crack, crumble, and dissolve altogether in my adulthood broke my heart. The holiday is bittersweet these days. This year, I will be introducing it to Best Guy as it is his first Christmas. I am struggling to find my old love for it in order share with him a brief glimmer of why I carry on the tradition even now and still take into account this is not his tradition and to be sensitive of his comfort level.

December is a dark, introspective month for the Northern Hemisphere. That is the reason there are so many celebrations of light across so many cultures. In the immortal words of Albus Dumbledore, "Happiness can be found in even the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."

However you choose to turn on the light in this December darkness, I hope it fills you with happiness and love.




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