Monday, August 4, 2014

Deep-fried Control Freak

Yeah, so my little food experiment is a bust. Not in the "it failed" kind of way, more of in a "holy cow how deep into the minutia of controlling myself can I go and I DON'T WANT TO PLAY THIS GAME ANYMORE!!"

I have felt for many years now that I have a tendency to tickle along the far edges of an eating dis-order. Because lord knows my relationship with food is pretty chaotic. I won't say I actually have a disorder, because I feel like that belittles the plight of so many who suffer deeply from these issues.

I slip through the cracks because the whole definition of my problem is: my emotional eater shares a small apartment with my control freak and they get along except for when they don't and then all hell breaks out.

They don't make a meeting for that.

I suppose I could find someone for one-on-one sessions, but then I would feel whiney and complainey and that I'm making a way bigger deal out of this than it really is.

I come here to whine and complain. It's my fucking blog after all.

Maybe it's the old Yankee independence streak kicking in, but I really feel like this is something I should be able to take care of on my own. If I could just figure out my triggers, figure out alternative solutions to dealing with those triggers, and then having the will power to follow through then I'd be fine. I'd be romping-through-a-field-of-daisies happy and fine and fixed.

Because I can do it all by myself. I don't need anyone's help and I'm perfectly fine, thank you very much.

Doesn't she have a cute little hard head?

Or maybe I should just cut myself some friggin' slack, stop the BA in Psychology self-diagnosis spiral and admit to myself that I am a human being, I am fallible, and I am not the only one who struggles with the fabulosity and hideousness of food.

Maybe the question I really need to be addressing is: why do I feel this overwhelming need to control every aspect of my inner workings? What is it I hope to accomplish?

Yes, I think that might be the question.

Thanks for your time, how much do I owe you?

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