Thursday, July 31, 2014

The Food Experiment

Following up on this post, after keeping track of my food intake for a couple weeks I learned a few things when I leave my eating unchecked:

  • I spike different groups of food: I'll eat tons of veggies for two days running, then eat virtually none the next couple days but eat a ton of protein, etc. I think over the course of the week it balances out, but my daily intake is very unbalanced.
  • I eat what I consider too many highly processed items (I also realize that I am still probably way below the National average).
  • When left to my own devices, I tend to eat four meals day.
  • I've always been jealous of people who "forget" to eat because I always remember food. Turns out, I'll forget to eat breakfast on a regular basis. 
  • I often go way too long between lunch and dinner (8 hours), which is also my work time. I end up doing my final massages with little to no fuel and then gorge when I get home.
This week, I've got a food plan I'm following and next week I'll take a look at what worked, what didn't, and what needs modification. I'm working off the assumption that four meals a day is better for me, so I've added a "tea" into the mix. Really just a glorified snack but I'm making the attempt to have it be more substantial (ie, more protein).

I also came to a realization as I was driving to work yesterday. I'm angry. A LOT. I don't know why I'm angry. Really, I don't. I mean I know I've got things in my life testing my patience (hello, siding guys who have taken the place of the roofing guys) but I shouldn't be this angry. And I use food to keep it from bubbling up and over. Because it works. If I'm full, I'm sated, if I'm sated I'm not going to go off the rails and bite someone's head off for existing. As soon as I started regulating and cutting back on the amount of food I eat, I get angry again.

I don't want to use food as a means for tamping down my anger. That is not a healthy way to go about doing things. So... what to do? My initial response what to tell myself "Get over yourself. You have nothing to be angry about." Would I tell another person that? Actually, I probably would because this is what I tell myself. Not very compassionate, is it?

So maybe I need to be a wee bit more compassionate to myself. I don't know why I'm angry. Does it matter? The point is, I am. And it's okay. I don't have to act on it; just recognize it and make my way through it. 

If you can't find any compassion for yourself, how can you hope to have any for others?

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