Man, I hate those stories.
And also: CAN WE STOP WITH THE EVER-LOVING TESTS ALREADY?
This latest story to get dredged up is the tale of Why I Never Ask For Help. It is a woe-is-me tale where the world is conspiring against me. As all of these stories tend to be. Basically, it goes something like this:
Once upon a time there was a little girl named Bernadette* who learned never to ask for help because every time she did no one was available to help her, or was too busy to help her, or said they would and then bailed the last minute leaving her to do it herself. So she just started doing everything herself to save herself the hassle and hurt of constant denial. It got to the point where she only asked for help if she were in dire straits, and of course she was again shut down because that was what she expected. So eventually she stopped asking for help altogether. And when someone told her "it's okay to ask for help" she angrily thought to herself "yeah, remember that the next time I ask for it and you turn me away and then wonder why I get so pissed off."Boo-freaking hoo. I've been struggling with the inner Negative Nelly monologue with this one A LOT. It's really difficult to let that monologue and negative self-fulfilling prophecy go when you're mired in another situation that seems to justify every reason you have for that story.*Name changed to protect me
But letting go of the negativity and the hurt and anger is really the only way to get out of this cycle. Like attracts like, so if you're already under the assumption you're going to get treated a certain way, that's the way everyone is going to treat you. Change the inner dialogue, the outer conversation changes. It's really that simple.
On a somewhat related subject, I really need a vacation from all this psycho-babble work I'm doing. My head's about ready to explode.