Wednesday, February 26, 2014


I'm tired, yo. Bone tired. No amount of caffeine in the world is going to touch this tired. But it's okay... it's money in the bank and once the snow melts in April I'll have a solid month of down time and I can start to recharge.

I have this whole idea for another post (actually, a couple of posts) but someone in another apartment is either drilling holes or screwing in screws and its kinda doing this to me:
I'm not even pretending to understand.

So those posts are going to have to wait for another day. In the meantime, I'll be escaping to work soon and I'll relish the peace and quiet of the woo-woo music I listen to every day.

If I fall asleep while giving a massage, someone throw a hot towel or something at me, kay?

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Sunday, Sunny Sunday

It is in the 40's in Vermont today. Everything is melting the crazy melt, and the longer days (ie, the sun goes down at 5:30 now) in combination with above freezing temperatures makes a girl believe Spring is on the way.

Ha. Ha ha.

Still, with blue skies and sun and even the occasional chirp of the bird, it gives hope that the deep freeze  will eventually give way to green hills and rainbow flowers once more. Even if I have to wait three more months to experience it.

Once upon a time, there were colors in the world other than brown, gray and white...

This morning I got up bright and early to meet some of my yoga teacher training classmates and a couple others for a yoga class. Which I taught. Not only was it my first class with more than one person in it, it was my first attempt at 90 minutes. I think technically I fell like five minutes short, but my watch said I was pretty much dead on so we'll go with that. As Stephen King likes to say in the Dark Tower series... close enough for government work.

As I was driving home from our get-together (there was coffee, food, and conversation after), I started to think about attachments to outcomes. The general wisdom in yoga is that action without attachment brings equanimity. If we can transcend what we think the outcome should be as well as what the outcome actually is (because let's face it, it seldom works out the way we want) and simply accept and move on, we remove attachment and therefore suffering.

All this basically came from the notion that it is far easier to let go of something we dislike (a bad day at work, a dating fail, an argument with a family member) than it is to let go of something we like (someone compliments us on our outfit, that cute guy smiling at you, someone complimenting you on the yoga class you just taught. Ahem). In the end, both the negative and the positive feed the ego, and it is that pesky ego that so often gets us into trouble.

So today, I am thankful that I had the opportunity to practice yoga and converse with some dear friends I don't get the opportunity to see very often. I am grateful that everyone found something useful in the class I taught. But mostly, I am just thankful and grateful for... everything.

Friday, February 21, 2014

The Luxury of Choice

I am in my bedroom, folding yesterday's laundry (the laundry that sat in the bag for a solid 24 hours waiting patiently for me to have the time to deal with it, wrinkles and all). As I'm folding, I'm wondering if I should go to the grocery store - yet again - because I'm not really digging what I have around the house for lunch.

I'm folding all of these clothes: work clothes, play clothes, under clothes, socks, towels, sheets... some to go in the closet, some to go in the dresser. All to join more clothes and towels and sheets, waiting patiently for their next call to action.

I am blessed. I have choice. I can choose different things to wear, different things to eat, different places to go, different things to do. I have control over my life (even though it often doesn't feel that way to me). The only limits I have are the ones I have given myself:

  • yeah, you shouldn't eat that 'cause you'll gain weight and it's not very good for you, maybe this apple instead.
  • that article of clothing isn't flattering on my body shape, I'll pick something else.
  • I'm not a fan of the pattern on those sheets, maybe these instead.
  • Yeah, I'm not going to Paris this year because I don't have the funds. Maybe I can swing Kripalu?
  • I'm not going to date him again because we don't really mesh. Holding out for a hero! (PS, you're welcome for that ear worm).
  • You know? I'm not really that hungry right now. Maybe I'll just skip breakfast and wait until lunch.
I live a blessed, blessed life that I have all of these options, all of these choices. How lucky am I? 

I am blessed.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Clearing the Karma

People in the West tend to think of Karma as simply "what goes around comes around."

Ha ha, yeah. Don't we all?

But that is actually a simplistic view of what is actually a very large, complex idea. Karma, simply translated, means "action, work or deed." Karma Yoga is the yoga of selfless work; action with no attachment or desire to the outcome. It is work done in devotion (however one defines that).

Every action, good or bad, has a long-lasting effect and determines not only our immediate future but in some beliefs also future lives.
More complex indeed. This is the Wheel of Life, where karma determines where you'll end up in the next one.

The thing is, Karma is not set in stone. It is not this thing where once you do something, that's it. You can fix things. Clear the karma, if you will. Positive action births positive action. Have you done/said something hurtful? Apologize. Take responsibility for your actions and do what you can to rectify the situation. Karma takes into account the lessons learned and the steps taken.

A Karmic lesson can be immediate or long-reaching. For example, last month there was a scheduling snafu at work while I was receptioning. I thought I handled it pretty well, but then the exact same scheduling snafu happened to me when I scheduled a massage for myself three days later. I mean, it was eerie, and pretty obvious that Karma was telling me I could have handled it better. If you pay attention, you find that karma gives you opportunities to clear the negative out and move forward.

In any situation, we have a choice. Sometimes, we react in the moment and then regret those actions later on (sometimes hindsight comes immediately, sometimes it comes at 3am a week later). It is never too late to take positive action. Never. In AA (or any of the Anonymous groups) one of the steps is to make a list of all of the people you've hurt in the course of your addiction and apologize. This is clearing the karma. Whether they accept the apology or not is their own karma.

We can only be responsible for our role in any situation. Clearing your own karma also means accepting the fact that others may not be ready or able to do the same. That has nothing to do with you, and not having attachment to the outcomes of actions helps. Do what you can, accept what is, and let go.

And yeah... all of this is coming out of the fact I've been doing a lot of apologizing lately. Which makes me think I should walk around with duct tape over my mouth so I'll finally start to think before I speak.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

This Has Been My Afternoon

Note the Christmas-themed flannel PJ bottoms. There is also a Nora Roberts book under the computer.
It has been a good afternoon. A little Pinterest, a little chatting with friends, coziness and bad day-time reading material.

It is the snow day I didn't get to take yesterday.

Ahhhhhhh. Bliss.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014


Okay, so first the literal kind of mirror. Veronica the car has a new side-view mirror, courtesy of a friend who not only ordered the part for me but installed it last night in the frigid cold. Good friend. He saved me several hundred dollars in mark-up costs alone (don't worry, I reimbursed him and paid him for his time). I would post a picture but it is freaking COLD outside and I'm just not that dedicated. Suffice it to say the mirror is the only clean spot on the car right now. I'll take care of that later.

And now for the metaphysical mirror. I work with really cool people and we get into some fascinating conversations in between clients. Yesterday I was talking with one of my coworkers and she brought up the idea of people as mirrors. The concept wasn't new to me, but it did help reconfigure some things going on for me right now.

The basic idea is this: you know that person you just don't get along with? That person who pushes every single one of your buttons? That person who challenges every idea you have/every thing you say? That person is your mirror. He/she is reflecting back your own issues. All the stuff you don't like about yourself or haven't dealt with is being reflected back to you.

I have a person in my life like this right now. She is a good person and I actually like her, but man do I get frustrated when I'm around her. Like I can't do anything right, and everything I say has to be challenged. Is this her fault that I feel this way? Absolutely not. She and I actually have a lot in common and the idea of her being a mirror makes a lot of sense. I seem to be on this journey of "bettering myself" (whatever that means) and I suppose the most direct way of dealing with your crap is having it shoved up in your grill where you can't ignore it.

Fun times.

But it does make it easier to deal with button-pressing when you can take a mental step back and say to yourself "why is this triggering me? What is this bringing up?" Of course, it also helps if you can ask those questions privately so you're not quite so tempted to smack that person and scream "LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY!!!!"

... and that's another trigger you may want to explore in your free time.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

The 10 Commandments, with a Twist

I came up with this idea while I was dozing this morning. It was followed by a dream wherein I posed myself a ridiculous riddle and I used my powers of intellect to successfully solve it and thus win. I don't know what I won; I woke up.

My brain is weird.

Anyway, this whole 10 Commandments thing. They're all "thou shalt not." What if they were given a positive spin? Would people be more likely to say, now that's something I can get behind? I dunno. But it stuck in my head and now you get to read it. Aren't you lucky?

Here they are, specifically. Because I couldn't remember them generally. I'm a heathen, remember?
I present to you the 10 Commandments, Positively Speaking:
1. I am first always in your heart.
2. Recognize the difference between truth and fiction. Choose truth.
3. Swearing is declasse.
4. Take a day to rest, relax, and generally find yourself again.
5. Respect the knowledge and lessons those more experienced than you can impart.
6. Respect life.
7. Respect your relationships.
8. Respect the needs of others.
9. Honesty is the best policy.
10. Be grateful for what you have.

Giving them a positive spin really highlights the similarities between the 10 Commandments and the Yamas and Niyamas. When you get down to the basics, a good idea is a good idea. And that sometimes, to reach a broader audience you have to say the same thing a little differently. I really wish people would recognize that and not get so caught up in who said what and who's more right.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Stay Classy, Vermont.

In car news:
I refuse to apologize for the grime. Because have you driven in a Vermont winter?

That's Gorilla Tape holding it up by a wing and a prayer. Apparently it's da bomb if you're doing stuff like this. I've had Veronica for a whopping six months and it looks like I've had her 6 years. FABULOUS. I have a friend who's able to order parts wholesale and he said he'd see what he can do. In the meantime, I didn't need to drive on the interstate and get anywhere in a timely fashion anyway.

Did I mention I bought more wine today?


Thursday, February 6, 2014

It Could Have Been Worse.

It could have been ALL kinds of worse.
There's something wrong with Veronica's ear...

Completely my fault. In pulling out of my driveway at work tonight I was attempting to avoid my coworker's mirror. Apparently there had to be a sacrifice tonight.

So, tonight I am grateful I didn't get pulled over on my way home from work.

Tomorrow, I foresee being thankful for duct tape.



Wednesday, February 5, 2014


Been sick. Hell, everyone's been sick. Feeling better physically. Feeling shitty, emotionally. Ah well. We can't all be perky all of the time, right?

Basically, shadow work sucks all the happiness out of you.

Although this past weekend I performed at a friend's Halfa and it was a lot of fun. There is video but it's a link of a link of a iphone video and I'm not in the mood to try and figure out how to embed it.

I do, however, have this heavily cropped picture:

I look pretty good considering I was hopped up on Dayquil and was having issues breathing.

So.... You Want to be an Artist.

For the last several weeks, I have been working through The Artist's Way . This book has been out since the 1990's and I've been...