Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Christmas Eve

How in the world did Christmas Eve get here? Didn't we just do this?! Man, this year has gone by too, too quickly.

When I look back at where I was this time last year, it boggles the mind. My boyfriend had just broken up with me a month and a half prior, and I was struggling to put on a brave face. While friends and family were secretly saying good-riddance, my broken heart was focused on all the good things, all of the things I loved about him.

My head knew that it was the right thing, but my poor heart wouldn't hear it. My head kept trying to skip ahead to forgiveness. It kept trying to tell me to let go of my anger and hurt, that it was no good to dwell on such things, because I was the master of my own suffering. All I needed to do was let go and my suffering would end.

But you know what? While that sentiment is true it overlooks a very important point: you can't let go of something until you first experience it. It's one thing to hold on to anger long after it serves your purpose; it's quite another to get unceremoniously dumped via email five days before your one year anniversary and tell yourself that your anger is pointless.

Um, yeah. Your anger isn't pointless, it is justifiable. Moreover, IT'S OKAY TO BE ANGRY. Feel it, revel in it. BE angry. After you've been justifiably angry, then you can let it go. Then you can begin to move toward forgiveness. But the thing is, you can't take the journey without going through all the shit in the road.

The journey has taken me the better part of the year, and I credit the yoga teacher training with helping me through the vast majority of it. It was a solace, it challenged me, and it got me up and out when I wanted to hide away. It helped me see that while letting go of that which no longer served was the goal, our emotions were given to us and to do anything but experience them to the fullest was to deny a gift from the Divine.

So after a year of slogging through the shit, I feel I can truly say I am on the other end this journey. I have forgiven and moved forward with my life. I am grateful for the journey, and I am excited to see where I am going to go in the new year.

Merry Christmas and Bright Blessings

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