Friday, August 30, 2013

Good-bye Betty. Hello, Veronica

Yesterday I got up early and hauled my butt in to the car dealership to get my car inspected and my oil changed. I needed to be there for 8am and it takes 20 minutes to get there, so I filled myself with coffee and planned on eating breakfast when I got home. Then maybe taking a nap. I knew that I'd be looking at some money to get it fixed, but I was figured it wouldn't be so bad.

It was $1,500 bad.

The entire exhaust system (save the actual muffler) was rotted out beyond repair. There was a major steering wheel issue. They told me if they could save the muffler they would, but that was only if they could actually get it unattached from the rest of it, which was trashed.

So I needed to make a decision. By the end of the month. Which, at the time, was two days away.

Initially my brother was pretty adamant that I take the car elsewhere as their price markup was considerable. But I was still looking at a good $800 to get it fixed, minimum. If that had been the whole story, I probably would have listened to him. But there were other things. Some small, some not. My big secret with Betty was that she was having problems shifting from gear to gear, and that sometimes it got pretty bad. It had been going on for a while now, but I chose to ignore it because I simply didn't want to deal with it.

Even if I chose to spend $800 to $1,500 to get the car fixed now, odds were good that in six to nine months I'd be in the same dilemma, deciding whether it was worth it to get the transmission fixed.

Trashed transmission... the indicator that it's time for a new car.

In the end, I decided to save myself six to nine months of stress (over a Vermont winter no less) and buy a new car. Well, new to me. I was completely unprepared; I didn't have my check book, I didn't know how much I had in my savings account, I didn't have the title to Betty. But when you say you want to buy something, car dealerships generally make it pretty easy for you.

After spending 6.5 hours in the dealership and having consumed only three cups of coffee and a box of junior mints the entire day, I left with Veronica. And immediately went to work. My brother helped me to get an okay deal on the car. I probably could have gotten a better deal but I didn't feel like holding out to get the bargain. I was happy with what I got.

I've gotta give props to my brother... he was at work and helping me via text and phone call while I was buying the car. I still think he thinks I made a bad choice, and I should have put it off a couple days at least so I wasn't rushing into anything. He's probably right at that, but I just wanted it to be over.

So yeah... I have a newish car. That was not the day I thought I'd have yesterday, that's for sure!

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Stuff

1. I was making good work in catching up with my required yoga classes. That's all gone to pot now. I was too sick to make any classes last week, and this week any physical exertion on my part leads to 20 minutes of coughing. Which makes it awkward and embarrassing for me when I'm doing massages, let me tell you. I can work or I can yoga, and I can barely make it through a day at work so there you go. I've just in the past day or two started my personal practice up again. Doing any kind of forward fold is completely out due to sinuses, and heart openers make me start coughing. So sitting and twisting it is! I'm considering it a win at this point that I'm able to do anything, considering that I have to sleep sitting up on the couch in order to get any sleep at all. It's only been a week, but I am ready for this to be over.

2. We now know who is in the pot with Garlique:

World, I would like you to meet Tomahto. Isn't she beautiful? Covered in little baby tomatoes. I have no idea where she came from but I'm happy she's here!

3. Getting new contact lenses today. I had hoped to put that off as long as possible, but my last one ripped two days ago so it's become a necessity. I hate wearing my glasses. It's okay around the house or maybe out once in a great while, but when I'm forced to wear them every day I feel like I devolve into my high school geeky, shy self. I feel like I am hiding behind the lenses and that I'm missing life. 'Cause I can't see it!!! Anyway, in addition to this expense, my car is getting inspected tomorrow (please god no major issues), I've got rent, cable and car insurance due this week. It's an expensive week. Thank the maker for credit cards!

4. I finally bought some new music the other day. It's a sad, sad day when you don't want to buy music because it's too expensive a download. I bought Pink's "The Truth about Love" and Mumford and Sons' "Babel". Can I tell you just how much I love Pink? She's tough, raunchy, intelligent, funny and insightful, all at the same time. I think I have a girl crush.

5. I've been thinking a lot about my intuitive friends. I seem to be surrounding myself with them lately. Last night I was talking to one of my coworkers who had done a Reiki treatment on someone and had noticed someone else in the room with them. In a spirit way, not "who the hell are you and how did you get in here?!?" kind of way. I wondered why I never got those kinds of flashes. It didn't occur to me until hours later (hello coughing fog brain) that the reason I don't see/hear/get those kinds of intuition is that I have intentionally closed myself off to it. Because I can't handle it. Sometimes I open the door a little way, but I've gotten so used to keeping it closed so I can function that opening it terrifies me. I have also started realizing that I really need to be more in tune with things that "pop" into my brain when I'm working, because I think if I started paying attention I'd find I'd learn a LOT.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Late Night Full Moon Stuffed Head Musings

I hab a code.

*sniff*

Frankly, I'm surprised it managed to hold off as long as it did. I have been having some crazy busy weeks and yo, I'm tired. Thankfully my boss took pity on my poor pathetic self and said I could have tomorrow, er, today off. I have a lot of things I really need to do today, but most of it is going to go by the wayside I think. My main plan is to spend most of the day dozing and drinking comforting beverages. That are not alcoholic.

Anyway, it's 1:40am and I am up because I spent the last four hours sleeping hard. I went to bed around 9:30 because I could barely keep my eyes open and I think I fell asleep about 30 seconds after my head hit the pillow. I'm awake now drinking some tea as it seemed like the thing to do. I'm kind of just letting my body wing it right now; she'll settle down soon enough and I'll be able to go back to bed.

I had a phenomenal massage earlier today, er, yesterday. One of my friends is a wonderful MT and also intuitive/energy worker and she gave me some great insights into getting some things unstuck and moving again. A lot of this illness seems to be centered around my throat at the moment, and we did a lot of work around things left unsaid and my tendency to wallow (Me? Wallow? NEVER). She gave me some good advice which I had hoped to be able to take earlier in the evening after work, but I was too exhausted. Hopefully at some point today I can follow through on some of her suggestions.

I feel like I have a lot to learn from her. She has really accepted and opened herself up to her intuitive gift, and it's a wonderful thing to see. I sometimes wonder if I opened myself up as she has, would I be just as strong? What would I see/hear/feel? Am I up for that kind of bombardment? And I think, frankly, that I am not. At least, not right now. I think I'm more in touch with it than I have been since I was a child, but my protective bubbles are strong. I think I just don't, won't, or can't open myself up like that right now. Which is fine. The important thing is that I be open to the messages as they come to me.

Monday, August 19, 2013

It's the Garlique and Friends Show

It's been a while since I've updated you on Garlique, so here is a brand-spanking new picture:

Yes, I watered them both after I took the picture.
It seems G is still growing, as a gentle tug on the scapes (look at me pretending I know what I'm talking about) indicates that there is definitely something anchoring them into the ground. I am looking forward to having a wee little head of garlic... as soon as someone tells me when I'm supposed to dig it up.

I still have no idea who is in the pot with her.  The initial diagnosis from the neighbors next door was "Sunflower" but then these little guys showed up:
There are actually quite a few of these teeny little white flowers.
I'm wondering if it is some kind of squash or tomato now. Which would be intriguing as I didn't buy squash seeds last year and it would have had to have come from the dirt. I did buy tomato seeds but those were put in a different pot.

Any ideas?

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Community

I've been struggling lately with finding a community. Well, okay if truth be told I've always struggled to find community. I tend to fit in everywhere and nowhere. My tastes and beliefs are rather eclectic, which leads me to be on the fringes of every community to which I am drawn. Too conservative to really fit in to some, too out there to really fit in to others.

Where ever I go, I meet wonderful people. So many good, generous, friendly, open people. I am blessed to know them and to have them in my life, however they show up.

But I am in need of community. I am out here on my own. I have friends I adore, but they all have communities of their own to which they are committed. And rightly so. Communities which fit them well, where they find family, support, and fun.

I am eternally on the fringes, looking in.

It gets lonely sometimes, let me tell you.

So I am putting it out there into the Universe that I am in search of a community into which I fit. I don't know how many communities are out there that would suit a pagan-leaning yogi-to-be but doesn't really do organized religion who also belly dances and does energy work but who also has decent personal boundaries and is just conservative enough to find composting toilets in your house a little off-putting.

There is probably one community on Earth that would suit me. And it's probably in Minnesota.

I am not moving to Minnesota.

Community? Community? Are you out there in that field? No? Okay, moving on...

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Noms

I eat a lot of salad. My favorite salad dressing hands down is Ranch. I'm not a fan of the super cheap stuff as it tastes nasty. However, I am also not a fan of the way the prices seem to rise as the bottles get smaller for the good stuff.

I finished my last bottle of the goods last night and decided to try my hand at making my own. I figure for about the price of 2 bottles of the good stuff, I could make the equivalent of a big bottle of the icky dressing.

I was right!

I mean, I don't know how much those ball jars hold, but I'm guessing it's a considerable amount. Lord knows it feels like a lot. And the best part is I got to choose what went into it. I'm giving the recipe below in case you want to try it out, but it's not mine. Unfortunately, I PDF'd it ages ago and no longer have the link, so if this is yours, please let me know in the comments and I will gladly link back to you!

For my vegan buds out there, I know when I was vegan I was desperate for ranch and it was hard to find. You could easily make this yourself, using vegan mayo (either making your own or buying it; it's easy to come by these days), vegan sour cream or yogurt, and the non-dairy milk of your choice.

Oh, this stuff has calories. Don't dump the whole shebang on your salad and wonder why you don't lose weight.

Homemade Ranch Dressing/Dip
1 cup Mayonnaise of your choice
1/2 cup sour cream
1/2 tsp dried parsley
1/2 tsp dried dill weed
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp onion powder
1/4 tsp pepper
1/8 tsp salt
1/2 tsp dried chives (optional)
up to one cup milk (if you are making dip, leave this out)

Combine all ingredients in a bowl and whisk until desired consistency is achieved. Cover and refrigerate at least 30 minutes before serving. The dip will last for 2 months in the fridge. Once you add the milk, its life span goes down.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Morning Adventure

This morning was supposed to be way better than this afternoon weather-wise, so I wanted to get out and enjoy it before heading in to work. I was kinda sick of my usual walking route, but I didn't want to get in my car and go anywhere. Thank goodness for the internet! I found a little walking path about a mile away, easy to miss if you didn't know it was there. Off I went! I really, really love Vermont in the summer time.





Yeah, I ate 'em. 

Monday, August 5, 2013

Pretty Happy Sunshiney Day

So my mother read last week's posts (HI, MOM) and told me that I think too much and I need to get a pet and I think she's all concerned that all I do is sit in the dark staring at nothingness.


So here is a picture of a happy little bumblebee on a sunflower.

Enjoy the day, everyone!

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Are You Sure You Want to Delete this Contact?

Leave it to your phone to give you second doubts about deleting a contact. Are you sure? Really, really sure? Because what if something comes up and it turns out you need that phone number after all? 

It is ironic how deleting someone from your contacts list is so damned hard. It was so much easier back when we all had landlines. All you needed to do was cross it out of your address book or simply misplace it. Of course if you had it memorized you were pretty much stuck with it. But then, if you had it memorized they probably weren't going to go anywhere, anyway.

But now... no one remembers phone numbers. If you delete a contact they are well and truly gone. There is no going back. No turning over the page and trying to see the numbers you scribbled out. No checking the phone book. No tearing up the house looking for that scrap of paper. You have to be sure. 

It is almost easier not to bother. Just keep that contacts list full of people. Give them funny names and just keep them there. Maybe that 300 people in your list gives you a sense of community, of belonging, of being loved. You may not remember who half of them are, but they are there if you need them. A list full of old loves and old friends, none of whom are in your life anymore. But they stay in your contacts list. Just in case.

Then, when you finally get up the nerve to delete a contact it is your phone (and only your phone) that brings up every nagging doubt you have left by asking "are you sure?" All of your real life friends and family are asking why you haven't done it already, but your phone is that same nagging little voice deep down inside that whispers "maybe things will change. Don't delete it!"

Yesterday I deleted Ex's phone number and email. He is well and truly gone from my life. It was bittersweet, but also time. There is no back now. Only forward.

And yes, I was sure.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Fears

Last night I was giving myself some Reiki before bed... okay, I was already in bed. But I was still giving myself Reiki while I was all comfy and cozy with the blankets pulled up, the pillows fluffed up, and the A/C on. Yes, I use an A/C in the summer, but just in the bedroom and only while I'm sleeping. Have you met me when I don't get enough sleep? Trust me, I'm doing humanity a favor.

ANYWAY.

While I was doing some Reiki, a whole bunch of my fears popped up. You know... the deep ones, not the spider and costumed characters variety (as if they aren't bad enough. Shudder).
This is Bob. If he doesn't scare you then you probably have snakes
or a tarantula for a pet. To which I must say go home.

These are the fears that you don't like to admit to yourself, let alone anyone else. They unconsciously dictate what you do and say, and how you interact with others. You are unwittingly trying to make sure that those deep darkies never come true because HOW BAD WOULD THAT BE?

I decided that the best way to get past some of these would be to drag them out into the harsh light of day and let them flop around a bit. Maybe they are like vampires and would start smoking and then explode in a pile of goo? Maybe True Blood was a hair too graphic with that? I digress. And obviously by all these jokes I am making I am putting it off and trying to make light of the fact these things fucking scare me. Ha ha... talk about unconscious actions.

My Fears

  • My biggest fear is that I am going to end up alone, senile and resented by my family members for being so damned stubborn like my Great Aunt Beetee.
  • I am afraid of the nothingness that comes with death.
  • I am afraid that I will never get to experience having my own family.
  • I am afraid that I will never find Love.
  • I am afraid that sooner or later everyone I know will realize that I am a selfish, mean person.
  • I am afraid of the dark
  • I am afraid that some day I will lose myself in my own imagination and never find my way back.

Yep. These are the things that terrify me.

These and costumed characters.

Shudder.

Evil, I tells you. Pure evil.

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