Tuesday, July 23, 2013


Yesterday evening I lost my keys at work.


While I'm based out of one particular building, my place of work is actually a sprawling complex. Not only do we do massage in our main building, we have a secondary spot across the lot. We've been using it a great deal lately because renovations have yet to be completed in our usual place (this week, please god this week. We're running 3 months behind. Please god this week).

I recently picked up some reception desk work to help our Massage Manager, who was trying to cover a 7 day a week/10 hours a day business all by herself. Yesterday I was wandering all over the complex, picking up payment slips and health history forms at our secondary location, and also trying to deposit a cash payment while also breaking a $5 because we didn't have enough change. Somewhere in my wanderings I put my keys down to talk to someone and didn't realize they stayed there until I went to go home.

.... and I couldn't go anywhere.

At first I thought they were locked in our secondary location, so I went to get a spare set of keys. It turns out that The Big Boss needed to do evening rounds so she graciously walked with me to the second space and helped me search for keys... that weren't there.

This is where I start going into secondary panic mode. It isn't enough that my keys are not where I thought they'd be; now the Head Honcho is standing right there as I'm trying desperately to put on a brave face and convince her that I am not the Idiot Champion of the World. I am sure that she's wondering why the hell she allowed my Manager to give me extra responsibility when I obviously could not handle it. I am a screw up. I do not deserve what I've been given.

So... yeah. She continues on her rounds and I start backtracking my steps and tearing up Main Building wondering if I put my keys down in a construction zone. Primary panic and secondary panic mode merge together to become Monster Panic. Which thankfully happens when no one is around. They aren't ANYWHERE. I am convinced that a coworker accidently brought them home with her an hour beforehand. While I'm searching for her phone number, I call the front desk in a last-ditch attempt to find them. I was there three times; they hadn't made any mention of finding my keys.

But sometimes you just don't ask the right questions. They were at the front desk; one of the guys thought they were someone else's keys and had placed them in his cubby. I think my exact words were "THANK YOU JESUS."

As I was in my car driving home, I started reflecting that all that I had learned re: breathing and non-attachment in yoga flew out the window when I couldn't find my keys. I mean, logically I knew they had to be somewhere in the complex; I'd gotten there, hadn't I? I hadn't left to go anywhere else. I probably could have prevented Monster Panic by simply stopping for a moment and taking a few deep breaths and a moment to reframe this spiraling event. It was going to resolve itself eventually. The idea of being stuck there, with no access to my home panicked me. I was locked out of my own life!

I am human. I get caught up in things. I forget other things. There is not a person in my place of work who has not, at some point in their life, gone through a similar key-related panic. It happens. I am not going to get fired because I forgot my keys while trying to be as thorough as possible in my job.

Honestly, the whole episode was a study in humor. Thankfully, 12 hours later I can appreciate that.

And also, today I'm stapling my keys to my forehead.

You're asking: "How could she possibly lose those keys with the Evil Death Flashlight
attached to them?" I found a way, people. I found a way.

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