Friday, July 26, 2013

No. Just... No.

After receiving yet another message on Online Dating Site asking if I was taking on new clients, I thought I might post some of the more interesting messages I've gotten over the past few months. What truly boggles my mind is that these people were convinced they were being witty, clever, intelligent and/or putting their best selves forward. I'm trying to reign back on my judgmental tendencies... but really? REALLY?

Are you looking for massage therapy clients? I'm an experienced client of 15+ years who hasn't found a good therapist out here yet, interested? 
     Because finding massage clients on a dating website is a safe and ethically sound 
     business model.

It looks like we have some things in common. Do you like to cuddle?
     Yes, I do. I'm fabulous at it.

Sorry for the crazy message. Apparently my ex had my email password and just flamed me all over the Internet. Many apologies.
     Makes me glad I never responded to the first message. 

hey sexy
     You know, this says more about your personality than any conversation could.

Are you good at trivia?
     Only if there is alcohol involved.

Do you happen to be into younger guys?

Read your profile. Got to the bottom of it. Saw I was ONE YEAR past your age limit... pity.
     Of course my age limit is non-negotiable. I'm very narrow minded like that. 

Hello there, first I love your smile on your profile picture… I bike a lot and I'm always looking for good massage therapist...
     Thank you... good for you... no.

Hi how are you doing my name is -- I would love to chat with u some time. U look beauifull in thoes pitchers plus u sound very intersting please wright back
     Thank u i inheretted those pitchers from my gramma

Your profile is very appealing to me. Plus we are 94 percent on match, 85 percent on friend and 5 percent on enemy. That [dating site] data seems to indicate that you should respond to my email.
     Well obviously we should just get married now.

Guys... NO. Please... no. A girl will either respond or she won't. If you can't find anything in her profile to comment on, then don't write a message. And if she's looking for clients, odds are you can't afford her. Just sayin'.

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