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Showing posts from July, 2013

Guilt v. Necessity

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Have you ever felt guilty for taking a day off work just to recharge your batteries?

No? Just me?

I have always felt that way. Planning a week's vacation? Fine. But taking a random day off ? The pinnacle of guilt. I feel like I'm letting people down, that I'm not taking care of my responsibilities.

Which is absolute bullshit.

Oddly, this crazy work ethic has transferred to my yoga teacher training. I'm trying desperately to fit in my yoga classes by the end of the training, and I'm struggling. I was going to try and make a 9am class this morning and it never happened. I felt guilty about it. I felt like I wasn't keeping up my end of the bargain, that I was just making excuses for not going, and that yoga is about sacrifice and I wasn't taking this seriously.

Again, I say, bullshit.

The truth is, that Wednesday 9am class simply does not work for me. Yoga is not about sacrifice, it is about acceptance and compassion, for yourself and others. Yoga can bring up…

The Sweet Relief of Doing Nothing

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Yesterday was Sunday: my One Day Off. And I did nothing. Okay, so not entirely nothing; for some reason I woke up extremely early yesterday after a poor night's sleep. So I took advantage of it and went for a lovely walk. Then I came home and spent the rest of the day dozing and reading non-impressive books. Oh, and watched some Harry Potter on the TV.

That's it.

I briefly entertained the idea of going shopping, then I took stock of my finances and realized that while I get paid on Friday, rent and cable are due on Thursday. So, any shopping for cuteness needed to wait a week. And frankly, the idea of getting in my car and dealing with Sunday Shoppers filled me with anxiety. It was easier to take a nap.

I long ago stopped feeling guilty about taking a day to just STOP. Your body needs time to rest and do the things it needs to do to keep you in top form. Yes, sleep is its prime time to do this but it isn't the only time. There isn't a creature on this planet that goes …

No. Just... No.

After receiving yet another message on Online Dating Site asking if I was taking on new clients, I thought I might post some of the more interesting messages I've gotten over the past few months. What truly boggles my mind is that these people were convinced they were being witty, clever, intelligent and/or putting their best selves forward. I'm trying to reign back on my judgmental tendencies... but really? REALLY?

Are you looking for massage therapy clients? I'm an experienced client of 15+ years who hasn't found a good therapist out here yet, interested?
     Because finding massage clients on a dating website is a safe and ethically sound 
     business model.
It looks like we have some things in common. Do you like to cuddle?      Yes, I do. I'm fabulous at it.
Sorry for the crazy message. Apparently my ex had my email password and just flamed me all over the Internet. Many apologies.      Makes me glad I never responded to the first message. 
hey sexy      You know, t…

STOP! NOBODY MOVE!!!

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Yesterday evening I lost my keys at work.

PANIC ATTACK.

While I'm based out of one particular building, my place of work is actually a sprawling complex. Not only do we do massage in our main building, we have a secondary spot across the lot. We've been using it a great deal lately because renovations have yet to be completed in our usual place (this week, please god this week. We're running 3 months behind. Please god this week).

I recently picked up some reception desk work to help our Massage Manager, who was trying to cover a 7 day a week/10 hours a day business all by herself. Yesterday I was wandering all over the complex, picking up payment slips and health history forms at our secondary location, and also trying to deposit a cash payment while also breaking a $5 because we didn't have enough change. Somewhere in my wanderings I put my keys down to talk to someone and didn't realize they stayed there until I went to go home.

.... and I couldn't go anywhe…

Yoga Teacher Training Weekend

In our June weekend, we were all about the Shadow, and thanks much for hanging out while I spent the ensuing 6 weeks waxing poetic about mine. This month, the focus was on Ayurveda. Which, frankly, is a whole hell of a lot more uplifting. We had a local expert come in and give us a talk (ironically enough the same person who ran the cleanse I did a couple years ago). We spent the rest of the weekend relating everything back to the three Doshas.

For those who just said "the three whaaaa?": Ayurveda is a complex medical system that works to treat the body and mind to ensure total health. It is still used in India today, and is believed to be older than even traditional chinese medicine. Where western medicine treats the symptoms, Ayurveda goes beyond that to treat the underlying cause. It uses food as medicine (along with other things such as breath work, yoga postures and lifestyle changes) to boost what needs boosting and calm what needs calming.

Ayurveda uses Doshas as a c…

Sigh.

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I feel like I am failing on some level, but I don't at what, or why.

I just feel like... I dunno. That this isn't right.

And if it isn't right, how do I fix it? Especially if I don't know what's wrong?

Sigh.

Ah well.

We'll see what we'll see as we see it. That's how it always seems to happen, isn't it?


Garlique has a friend!

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Isn't that sweet? Now Garlique doesn't have to spend her days alone, wistfully looking at the amazing garden my neighbors planted and yearning for the company only those with real green thumbs can bring.

I have no idea what it is, but I'm looking forward to finding out.

Re-arranging Thoughts

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Yesterday afternoon I went to a Jivamukti yoga class. At the studio I attend (the same one where I'm training to be a yoga teacher) each month's Jivamukti classes are centered around a theme. This month's theme is letting go of negative thoughts. We started by chanting one of the verses from the Yoga Sutras (II.33):
vitarka bhadhane pratipaksa bhavanamWhen you are disturbed by unwholesome negative thoughts or emotions, cultivate their opposites Hopefully I got the spelling right. Anyway, this really hit home for me due to my negative spiraling and dwelling lately. Mostly the self-talk running through my brain right now is habit, a default setting it goes to when I am not otherwise occupied. I don't want to think these things; hell, I'm sick to death of thinking them! But still they remain.

Our instructor spoke of mantras we could use, either Sanskrit ones (Om, Shanti) or English ones ("I am Peace", "I am Love"), or even one of our own. I really l…

Fruit flies A-Go Go

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I have been over-run with fruit flies. Which tends to happen when you eat a lot of fresh fruit and veggies and it gets super humid.

I got rid of their home yesterday (ie, I took out the trash), but now I have a whole bunch of homeless little bits flying aimlessly around and swarming me every time I wander into the kitchen to get something to drink.

Last year (or a couple years ago, whenever) my friend Marie told me this trick about putting some ketchup in a container and covering it with plastic wrap with some holes punched in it. They can get in, but not out. I don't keep plastic wrap in the house (I think it's a huge waste) but I *do* keep bags for re-use, so I came up with this:


There is ketchup in the bottom and holes punched in it. It's already working. This way, I can just take the whole bag and throw it out when it's done its job. Then these guys can have a family reunion with the ones in the dumpster.

Meanwhile, I'll be keeping the dishes cleancleanclean an…

Pthththpth

Yesterday I closed one of my two dating site accounts. I rarely ever checked it and it rarely got any movement. Ironically, it was a home-grown local type thing. All the same people are on the other site anyway, so whatevs.

God DAMN I live in a fish bowl.

I don't know why I haven't closed out the second account. It's not like it's doing me any good. Hope springs eternal, I suppose. I guess it makes me feel like I'm trying. Even though at this point I'd really rather meet someone in person. I keep trying to... I need to come up with better ideas than trying to meet guys at yoga classes, because I may be at my flexible best but I'm also all sweaty and humidity has frizzed my hair out to Annie-like proportions.

On the plus side, my 29 year old neighbor thinks I'm a hottie. That's something, right? Just call me Kitty McCougar. Rawrrr.

Book Review: The Reluctant Tarot Reader

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I first learned about Raven Mardirosian in May 2013. My friend and I are unbirthday twins – separated by just two days (and a few years) – and in celebration we traveled to a wellness center for a day of salt caves, massage and ionic foot baths. While we were there, Raven came in to do her Sunday readings. It wasn’t part of the package, but hey it was my birthday and I wanted a tarot reading! I’m fascinated by tarot, and by default the lucky people through whom the cards speak. Though the reading was only 15 minutes or so, Raven got to the heart of everything I was worried about, everything I was confused about, and all the stuff I was afraid to say out loud… until she said it first.

The reading was one of the best tarot experiences I’ve ever had, and I consider it to be a healing experience. The Reluctant Tarot Reader: Adventures in the Gypsy Trade is the story of Raven Mardirosian’s exeunt from the “woo-woo closet”. Raised as a staunch Christian, this book explores her journey from…

Whole 4.5

Yeah... that's how many days I made with that experiment. Which is okay. I feel like I've definitely learned something valuable. I am just not cut out for the paleo lifestyle.

And that's okay.

Which is something I already pretty much knew but sometimes getting regular confirmation about these things is a good thing.

I haven't had bread since last Saturday though, and frankly I'm glad for it. I don't know how much longer I'll keep that up, but with the weather being so hot bread is just not interesting to me; it's too heavy. Frankly, so was all that animal protein. A had some beans on my salad yesterday instead of chicken and I felt so much the better for it.

So, basically yeah. This will be the last time I post about this because in my opinion, the experiment is over. I know without a doubt that this does not work for me. So the next time I feel like I'm eating too much bread, instead of jumping the fence and running to the extreme I'll just sto…

Oh, The Water, She is A-Rising

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This was my commute home from work yesterday (yes, I worked on the 4th):

This is the view from my town's bridge this morning at around 9am:

We've got more thunderstorms in the forecast for today. And tomorrow. And the next day. And next week.

At some point this summer I would like to walk across my lawn and have my feet stay dry.

Body Image

So I'm sitting at my computer this morning with my cuppa, flipping through this and that while the TV is droning in the background. I'm not really paying attention to it, but as my laptop is permanently attached to the internet cable (what can I say, I thought I was getting wireless when I ordered it... silly me) I can see the screen in my periphery vision.

One of those ubiquitous weight loss commercial comes on:
After having three kids I was fat fat fat. I was unhealthy and miserable. I couldn't play with my kids. Small animals ran from me in terror and confusion. Everywhere I went people shunned me and threw stones. So I started taking this product. And in 3 months I went from a size 12 to a size 2. Look at me now! My husband can't keep his hands off me. Small woodland creatures rush to my side when I break into song. I've never been so popular! Look how happy I am now! Okay, so that isn't typically the script they use, but you get the general idea. By taking…

Whole 14

Earlier this year, I embarked on an attempt to follow the Whole30 cleanse for 30 days. I made it 11 days before I petered out and bought what was probably the most delicious bread I had ever tasted in my life.

Lately, after several weeks of feeling like I was turning into a loaf of bread, I've decided to revisit this cleanse/whatever it is. However, I also decided to learn from my mistakes the first time around. So I'm doing it with a few modifications:

1. It's going to be Whole14, not Whole30. I know I can't make it a whole month, so instead of setting myself up for defeat, I'll set my self up for success. If I happen to get to day 15 and I want to continue with it, I'm free to. If I get to day 7 and I'm all frak this, it's okay too.

2. I am not following the "allowed" fruit and veg list. If it is a fruit or a veg, it's allowed.

3. I'm still using milk and sugar in my morning coffee. One of the perks from the last go 'round was th…