Thursday, May 23, 2013

It's Working.

This past weekend was a yoga teacher training weekend for me. Ahhh. I love these weekends. I always end up floating in bliss for days.

This time we focused on the heart. Bhakti Yoga is yoga of the heart. But it's more than that. It's offering your whole self - heart, love, actions, everything - up to the Divine. We talked about the Bhagavad-Gita, one of the important texts from ancient India that support the yogic tradition. Which has led me to get my copy of the epic poem out and and re-read it. I'm highlighting every other stanza. It's a good thing.

On our first evening of the weekend, we got to talking about how many people start down the path, but not so many people stay on it. You see, once the yoga starts working, I mean really working, it gets hard. And I don't mean pretzel-pose hard. I mean, oh my god everything I thought was true is just this story I told myself so I wouldn't huddle in the corner crying.

And then you find yourself huddling in the corner, crying.

The thing is, it's hard but it's good. But if you're not ready for the hard, the easiest thing to do is to find another path to be on. Which is what I did a few years ago. For a while, I was super into yoga. I went at least once a week, sometimes twice. Every week for a year and a half solid. And then I went to massage school, and then I got busy, and then... well. I stopped. Maybe I'd go once every six months or so but that's it. These last few months are the deepest I've delved into the practice in a very long time.

And it's starting to get hard.

The tears are there, just under the surface. All the time. I don't even particularly know what they're about, and even while I feel the weight of the sadness there is an underlying joy and bliss. I've been saying for a little while now that there is a whopper of a release at some point in my future. I don't know when or where (or even what I'm releasing), but you know what? It's okay.

Because when it gets hard, it's working.

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