Sunday, March 31, 2013

Girl's Night In


This was taken when we first got there, around 6pm. Five empty stomachs, four shots and twenty minutes later, we were all piss-faced.

Then the fun really started.

 Seriously, there are like 30 bottles of alcohol there. We finished the equivalent of six. We were looking at a half-full bottle of vodka this morning and no one remembers drinking any of it.

Girl's Night In is where it's at, people.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Girl's Night IN

Work this morning, then I'm heading to my friend Heidi's for a Girl's Night In with some of my besties. It's a slumber party, yo!

Just my humble contribution to the evening...

There's going to be a shite ton of junk food, some veg just to be contradictory, and enough alcohol to sink the Titanic. Plus, I'm hearing rumors of a viewing of Magic Mike.

It's ON.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Meditate on This, I Will.

Ah, Yoda. Wise, wonderful, froggy Yoda. I never understood when he (or anyone else) said this. Because I always thought meditation was supposed to still the thoughts in your mind. So, wasn't meditating on something the exact opposite of what you were supposed to be doing?

My meditation sessions usually are akin to this:
     Sit. Try and get comfortable. Move around. Cover myself in a blanket because it is still
     frakking cold in here and WHEN is it going to ever get warm? And we're going for 15
     minutes here people. 15 minutes. Shut eyes. Arrive. Breathe. Okay. This is good. We've
     got our eyes shut and we're breathing. I need to email so-and-so, remember to do that
     when we're done. I need to do my taxes. BREATHE. You're not supposed to be thinking
     here. So um, do that chant. SO on the inhale HAM on the exhale. So... Ham... So... Ham...
     OMG I don't want to go to work tomorrow I'm so tired. So... Ham... oh that isn't working.
     I wish I had some cheese. Cheese would taste really good now STOP THINKING. Okay...
     okay... okay.... has it been 15 minutes yet? DAMN. Okay, shut eyes...

Rinse, repeat.

So you can imagine my surprise last night when I'm sitting there with three minutes to go (I know because I opened my eyes to check and damn) when I had a flash of insight. For the last couple days, I have been feeling very lonely and low. I have been missing the affection and companionship that a relationship brings and knowing that the relationship I wanted wasn't going to re-present itself just drew me further into the abyss.

As I was sitting on the couch, bundled up and trying not to think, it occurred to me that my clinging to a past relationship was in direct opposition to two yamas: brahmacharya and aparigraha. In other words, respect for your relationship partner and non-hoarding. By clinging to a relationship that no longer exists, I am not respecting the needs of my former partner. Which is directly affecting the niyama Santosha, contentment. My contentment.

I know at this point, all y'all are probably rolling your eyes and thinking good god woman just get over this idiot already. But you know? Framing it this way has actually helped. I feel lighter, less weighed down. Like maybe this is the first step in finally letting this go for good.

Let's frakking hope, because even I'M getting sick of myself here.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Something smells funky in my apartment.

What the hell? Is it the drains again? Ugh.

Okay, so talk about getting distracted. I was all about to totally post this highly depressing woe-is-me entry when my olfactory senses take over and seriously WTF is that smell?

What it really boils down to is that I haven't taken a vacation since August, and my calendar had blown up with things to do (both obligations and fun things) and I'm feeling like I'm being stretched and I think I need a couple days. It also doesn't help that this is another six-day work week for me and I'm already tired.

But the sun is shining, and if I can work up the energy (ha) I should get out and take a walk. Because sun in Vermont in March? A rare and wonderful event.

It doesn't look like this yet. But it will. In June. Sigh.

Ah man, it's the trash. And I totally just took that out two days ago.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Happy First Day of Spring!

Er...

So yeah. About a foot of snow from this last storm. It's really heavy and it has compacted down so it looks like less. I went out for a walk this morning and the sun (while it was out) was surprisingly warm, so I don't think this will last long. As far as storms go, this wasn't very big. Well, others may have gotten hit worse but I can remember storms that dumped way more way faster.

I am remaining hopeful that this is Winter's Last Hurrah and my next post will be of flowers sprouting their way through the earth.

Fingers crossed!

Sunday, March 17, 2013

ARGH

For the past several nights, I have been inundated with dreams about the Ex. Dreams I don't necessarily remember much of the next morning, just that he was hanging around in them WAY more than is required at this point in our Un-relationship.

Considering that I am doing my best to move forward with my life and to create a new one without him, it makes it pretty damned difficult when everywhere I look is either his first name, his car, him (I think I've seen him on a couple of occasions at this point). Now I can't even retreat into the sanctity of my dreams without him showing up.

I am trying to let go and move on, because I know it is the best thing for me. I know this. My heart on the other hands keeps whispering "but I still love him". As much as that may be true, she needs to recognize that you can still love someone and move on. In this particular instance, she can't have what she really wants. It's just not in the stars.

So Ex, do me the courtesy of staying out of my dreams. You don't get to be there any more. Thanks much, Me.

Friday, March 15, 2013

One Month with a Yama

Yoga has Five Yamas (Do Unto Others) and Five Niyamas (Do For Yourself). The Five Yamas are:
  1. Ahimsa: non-violence
  2. Satya: non-lying
  3. Astaya: non-stealing
  4. Brahmacharya: celibacy. Although nowaways it's more "treating your partner with respect"
  5. Aparigraha: non-hoarding. "Live simply so that others may simply live"
The Five Niyamas are:
  1. Saucha: purity and cleanliness
  2. Santosha: Contentment
  3. Svadyaya: Study of the Higher Self
  4. Tapas: Discipline
  5. Ishvara Pranidhana: Devotion to (whatever god/dess Higher Existence works for you)
...and I totally did not write all this out right now because I have a quiz tonight and I was trying to see how much I knew.

Nope, not at all.

Anyway, we had to pick on of the above and really explore it for the month as part of our class. Not to say that you can't do your best to integrate all of them, but really pick on and explore one. I believe I've said in earlier posts that I chose Ahimsa, mainly because I knew I could go vegetarian easily and that is a huge part of Ahimsa when you think about it. However, it was really the subtler aspects of the concept that I struggled with. The key with Ahimsa is non-violence in thoughts, words, and deeds. The deeds I could do, it was the thoughts and the words that really had me struggling. 

It's kind of scary when you think just how violent your thoughts and words are on a day-to-day basis. Every time you swear a stream when someone cuts you off in traffic, every time you think "what in the world is she wearing?!?", every time you enter into a juicy gossip session, you are harming someone.

It kind of makes you want to freeze in your tracks, to afraid to open your mouth. Or is that just me?

I am a terrible offender of judging, gossiping, and being generally negative. Oh, and I am a great fan of the swear word. For me as an introvert, gossip is sometimes the easiest thing I can think of to create a conversation. I have become increasingly uncomfortable with this lately and it's on my list of things to work on this year. BUT IT'S SO HARD. There are so many people doing crazy, stupid shit that it's just so hard NOT to talk about it. I mean COME ON. It's practically begging to be passed on! But it's damaging, to them especially. It's not fair and I need to find another way to relate to people. 

Even though the assignment comes to a close today, I will be continuing my relationship with Ahimsa. It seems like it is a relationship I need to explore more closely. I don't want to be continually negative, to spread negativity, or to bring others down into it. The world has enough negative energy; I want to be one of those people who radiates positivity and goodness. 

At least I want to be one of those people every once in a while. When I can. On a good hair day.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Oh, yeah. The Date.

It went well. It was a nice day so we wandered around for a bit and grabbed a light lunch. He's a very soft-spoken guy. I actually had trouble hearing him a few times. It was odd for me to have to play the outgoing one, but that's always a good exercise in pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I'd hang out with him again.

The weather has been so nice and spring-like the last few days. As it's only March we've probably got at least one more good snow-dump before it's all said and done, but it's giving us hope, LOL. It wasn't even a particularly bad winter for us this year. We've definitely had much, much worse. That being said, once it hits February or March it doesn't really matter how "good" the winter was, you're ready for Spring!

I am feeling much, MUCH better these days. I managed to get to a 90-minute yoga class last night and not one lung was hoarked up, by me or anyone else! I still need to attend two more classes within the next three days in order to make up for lost time. There is one tomorrow morning at 9am that I will go to (another 90 minute) and I'll have to block some time off from work and make the 12:30 class on Thursday. I don't really want to do that, but my options are pretty limited.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

I Have a Date.

Which I need to leave for in about twenty minutes.

Gah!

I am both excited and terrified for this. I'm considering it my first real date since Ex and I broke up. Even though that is not technically true, I am pretty positive those other two dates are wishing I didn't exist. So, yeah.

As we met online, our conversations were pretty much emails, but we seemed to hit it off. Enough so that I agreed to meet, at least. It would be nice if we continued that chemistry in person. Although that doesn't alway happen. More often than not it doesn't happen. But sometimes it does and you gotta go with that.

I am a little concerned about the distance issue though. He lives a solid 2.5 hours away from me. That's a long way and when you add kids (his) into the mix that really only leaves us Sunday afternoons to meet up. Which is fine when you're still in that "do we call this dating?" phase. But I don't know how we'd ever make anything long-term work. I've done the whole "I can only see you for three hours on Sunday afternoon" thing with my Ex, and it contributed heavily to the break-up. You can't have a relationship if you never see the other person. It's really as simple as that.

... and here I am saying it won't work and I haven't even MET the guy yet. Way to set everyone up for failure. Eye roll. It's a gorgeous day with Spring finally saying "maybe I'll show up soon" and it'll be nice to spend a couple hours getting to know someone better. I hope. If not, I'll have a great story for you guys tomorrow.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Journal Post: DAY 327

Day 327 with no sun. I have begun to think it has winked out of existence. Although, we are receiving reports from comrades to the South that it does in fact still exist. So, I must come to only one logical conclusion. Someone somewhere has managed to drape a gauzy gray curtain over New England, allowing nothing but highly filtered, pathetic "light" to trickle through. It is truly the only explanation. But now... the questions remain. What political point does this prove? How does taking New England's sunlight hostage prove effective if no one comes forward with responsibility or demands? And, most importantly, where did they get all that fabric, and did they get a bulk discount?

Seriously, yo, all my plants are withering and dying up in here. SUN!!!!

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Feeling better.

Y'know, aside from the constant nose-blowing and coughing fits. The good news is that I've lost like five pounds with this cold, mainly because my appetite is gone gone gone. That's never really happened to me before. I could always rely on my appetite to hang around.

I know once I start to feel better those five pounds will come back. But for right now I'm just enjoying it, coughing fits and all!

Friday, March 1, 2013

Blah.

I hab a code.

Well, I don't know if it's a cold. It's something lingering around that's clogging me up and draining my energy. It sounds like a cold to me. Although it's staying in my head. So that's something. It's not nearly so bad as the last one I caught so I'm taking this as a win. It's mostly just annoying.

I haven't been doing my yoga for the last couple days because 1) I have no energy and 2) hanging upside down - even in downdog - hurts my sinuses. So yeah. No yoga for me until I feel a little better. Still working, but when I'm at home laying down feels SO GOOD that I can't stop climbing back into bed every hour or so and just laying down in its fabulousness.

I luv my bed.

So.... You Want to be an Artist.

For the last several weeks, I have been working through The Artist's Way . This book has been out since the 1990's and I've been...