Thursday, January 3, 2013

Holy FRAK it is cold.

I think my heater has been going for 12 hours straight, and let me tell y'all, it's not making any progress. But when it gets below zero farenheit (and it did last night, much below it), it doesn't really matter. Heating a place is pretty much a losing fight. So you do what I do an burrow under four blankets, a bunch of pillows, and flannel pajamas and just ride it out.

Unfortunately for me, I got caught up once again in my book and when I looked it was some time after 1am. Whoops. Luckily I work an afternoon shift so I can just make up the sleep no problem. Except... I couldn't fall asleep. It was some time after 3 before I finally nodded off. And I think it was quite some time after 3. So you'll understand my chagrin when my phone went off at 7:30a informing me I have a client. Next Tuesday. Thanks ever so!

I turned over to continue sleeping, and I managed it for a while. And then people starting going up the stairs to another apartment. And then down the stairs. And then up. Down. Up. Down. They are installing a new heater up there today because my friend the former tenant moved out over the weekend. Because her fiancee - ironically with the same first name as my ex - broke her heart and the relationship. We have both decided that with few exceptions, all men with First Name are assholes.

Speaking of First Name.... one of the downsides of not being able to sleep is that the tears that you manage to not spill usually end up spilling. Because, hell, it's 3:30 in the morning and 3:30am is simply crying out for crying jags. But I did come to some kind of realization last night/this morning/when the frak ever. He is a wound that will probably never fully heal. It will most likely be a little sore to the touch for the rest of my life. There is nothing wrong with that, necessarily. Just that it needs to be recognized and accepted before moving forward. Before moving on.

I think in life we each have at least one thing from which we never fully recover. We manage to keep the wound bandaged, we find a way to dull the pain and get on with our lives. We essentially ignore the fact that under the band-aid or paper-thin scar tissue is a deep hurt that will just not knit back together. It's a mistake to say that "time heals all wounds". Time heals most wounds. Some wounds just don't heal, so you find a way to live around it. But the important thing is... you find a way to live.

A picture from my Florida trip. I'm betting it's a LOT warmer there. Because it sure as hell can't get much colder...

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