Monday, December 31, 2012

New Year's Eve

Happy New Year's Eve, everyone!

I don't have any plans for the evening, which is probably just as well. I have to work tomorrow. Last week at work was wonderful and busy and I am appreciating doing nothing today in preparation for another busy week. We've got a bushel and a half of snow and the skiers are flocking to the area. Which makes for a very busy massage center. Yay, us!

I'm thinking tonight will be a low-key evening of trashy romance novels, movies and pizza. Because tomorrow I go on a three-week vegan "cleanse". Mainly because I've been eating so much crap lately that I feel I need a detox but with my work schedule I need to keep myself fed. Vegan seemed like a good way to do it and as I'm familiar with eating that way, a no-brainer. It's basically just until my show January 17th. After that I should be good and detoxed. So then I can retox!

I am hopeful that 2013 will bring me all I hoped 2012 would bring me, only without the bitter heartache. Looking back to a year ago today, I was so full of hope for the future. I was so happy. The one I wanted to be with had found his way back to me and we were going to build a life together. Sigh. Onward and upward. I am going to do my best to leave the heartache in the past with the last of 2012 and move into 2013 with a open heart once again full of possibility.

Because if you make room in your heart for it, love will find its way in. And now I sound like a cheesy Kay Jewelry commercial.

Monday, December 24, 2012

Post-Christmas Coma

Of course, at the moment I'm pretty much the only person in America suffering from this. But on the 26th when everyone is contemplating that fifth piece of pumpkin pie they had at midnight, I'll be annoyingly perky and back in action.

That is, if I can keep away from the cookies, tea ring, reese's peanut butter cups, and virtually every other carb under the stars.

It was a fun day. There ended up being seven people squeezed around my tiny table but fun was had by all. As demonstrated here:
This would be our post-Christmas Cracker, pre-food orgy moment. As you can see, my brother
is half-crazed from hunger and his girlfriend is ready to eat the napkin.

But now, all has been cleaned up (finally) and a home - ironically on the self-same table - has been found for my new housemate:
She hasn't told me her name yet, but isn't she lovely?

My brother bought me a friggin' microwave! Can you believe it? I was mostly joking when I asked for that. I didn't think anyone would actually go for it. I can't stop thanking him. It's going to make coming home at 8pm and eating dinner a lot easier.

I'm working tomorrow - Christmas - morning. I've got a couple massage booked already so going up there will be worth it, and I don't mind. I need to work of the Reese's peanut butter cups.
There used to be considerably more than these a half an hour ago.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

New Beginnings

Okay, so the world is supposed to end tomorrow but there are always a few protozoan survivors, so we'll all just begin again anew on the 22nd, 'kay?

Seriously though, I am looking forward to the end of 2012. Overall it was an eventful year, full of good and bad things. Which most years are unless you are either really lucky or really unlucky. Either way, I feel like 2012 has done its job and it's time to move on.

2013 feels like it holds so much potential that I am excited to get there. But that's always the way, isn't it? I felt the same about 2012 and now I feel like it's the houseguest that just won't leave.

My yoga teacher training starts the second weekend in January and I. Cannot. Wait. Theoretically I should have been taking classes this entire time but whoops. That's okay, I've been doing a little at home and my body will catch up quickly. I am looking forward to meeting new people and delving into a subject that has been close to my heart for a while now.

Meeting new people is something I care very much about in 2013. I am looking to break down introverted barriers I have placed around myself so I feel more comfortable conversing with new people. How can I meet anyone new if I keep giving off DON'T TALK TO ME vibes? This is a difficult thing for me, and while I have managed to take down many of these barriers over my lifetime, it seems as though there is at least one big one left. And it is one of the deepest and has been there for a very long time. I don't expect it to be easy, but if I manage to at least chip an open window into it I will be happy.

It took me a long time to stop fearing change. And while there are some times I wish it would just give me a break for 15 minutes over all I have come to view it as necessary and at times even exciting. Except for when it's annoying and unwanted. Then I just sleep too much and eat a lot of potato chips.

The path to 2013. Which is apparently lush and tropical. Watch out for the spiders though. They're HUGE.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Ho Ho Ho

One week from today will be the Williams Family Christmas Special. So I'm spending this morning finalizing details like the menu, when the frak I'm going to find the time to do a deep clean on my apartment, and double-checking my shopping list to make sure I don't leave off key items like "potatoes," "pork tenderloin," and "alcohol."

Christmas Dinner
Pork Tenderloin with wild rice and cherry stuffing
Pan Gravy
Mashed Potatoes
Roasted Apple Sauce
As yet to be determined vegetable side, which I have pawned off on my brother
Cookies and pumpkin pie for dessert, courtesy of me mum

I will also be making some warm cider with cinnamon sticks in my crock pot for imbibing. Not spiked as several of the guests are not heavy drinkers and my brother doesn't drink at all. Although I am very tempted to have a small bottle of rum handy. Just in case I need it. I will have wine for those who want it.

There will be five of us and I think it will be fun. I am also thrilled beyond belief that work gave me a holiday bonus so I have a little extra money to spend on my loved ones.

On top of everything else, today I'm also heading down to my dance partner's house to finish our choreography for our January piece and to take some photos for the program. Which, apparently, they do up like an actual program. Which means I need to look good.

Which means I won't be using this picture

Plus at some point today I need to bake some bread, because I'm out and toast would have tasted fabulous this morning. So I had to have my scrambled tofu and roasted potatoes without my toast. See, I haven't left my vegetarianism completely! It was nummy. It just needed toast.

And now... I must do something with my hair. Because my bedhead just isn't going to work for those pictures.

Friday, December 14, 2012

12/12/12

Did you make a wish at noon (or 12:12) on 12/12/12? Did you ask for something special? Did you say a prayer or send positive energy out for the world in general, or you in particular?

I did a li'l summin summin. Although I won't get more specific than that because everyone knows if you tell someone what you wished for then it won't come true. Although FWIW I will say that I did not wish to get back together with my Ex. Kudos to me for being realistic!

My goal of being more positive lately is coming along nicely. Sometimes I have to repeat "today WILL be a good day" through gritted teeth, but generally speaking it's been working. It also helps that today is day 3 of sunshine and blue skies here in Vermont. It's amazing what a little vitamin D will do for the ol' psyche, y'know? I've gone out on walks for the past two days and plan on going out again this morning. Even if the only thing exposed is my cheeks and chin, I'm still getting the sun. And it feels fabulous!

Christmas is going to be lean this year for my part. I've managed to get a few presents with the tip money that I had saved up and some coinage that I rolled (to the tune of $33!). But all of that is gone now, so I'm hoping for some more cash tips in the next couple weeks so this isn't it. Money is tight enough that I cannot tell you how grateful I am that I have an extra $30 this week to go to the grocery store and buy vegetables. Mmmmm greeeeeeeeens.

Monday, December 10, 2012

We Got the Spirit, Yes We Do!

We got the Spirit, how 'bout you?

It looks really nice when the lights are out. But I can't take a picture of it because then it's just a bunch of floating colored lights in black.

I have decided that it just isn't Christmas without a tree. And since I'm hosting Christmas this year, I needed to find my ornaments and find my Christmas spirit. I knew where my ornaments were: at my mom's, where they've been since three moves ago. So up I headed to pick them up. I actually had to raid my mom's stash of garland and lights as apparently I donated mine to charity when I was packing. Who knew?

I bought the tree today. I was doing my best not to buy a tree as money is real tight these days. But I had some tip money set aside for presents, so I took $20 and went to - gasp - Wally World and bought a tree. At least I will get my money's worth out of it by reusing it. I also bought a few presents with the leftover cash. And then I bought myself lunch with my remaining $8 and felt hugely guilty about it. Which is silly because I'm fairly certain my loved ones will not begrudge me lunch.

I have to admit, the lights make it nice and cozy in here. I kinda like it.

Now... I just need to find my way to a pine-scented candle and we're golden.

The doorway between my living room (which I'm in) and my kitchen. Festive!

Friday, December 7, 2012

Today Will be a Good Day

I'm trying this new thing where I be positive. Yesterday, my mantra was "Today, wonderful things are going to happen." Today, it's "Today will be a good day."

Since I feel myself struggling not to backslide into depression I am trying instead to look forward with hope and purpose. Because hope and purpose is a HELL of a lot more fun than tears and bone-deep sadness.

So, today will be a good day.

Life is good!

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

On Being Strong.

Keep Strong and Carry On.

Keep a stiff upper lip.

Let it go.

All things for a reason.

Something better is coming right around the corner.

All of these are ways of saying "you'll be okay. Just keep going and you'll be okay." But you know what? Sometimes, you don't WANT to be strong. You don't want to keep going. Sometimes all you want to do is lay in bed all day doing nothing, thinking of nothing, experiencing nothing. Because sometimes it is all just too much.

Don't get me wrong, strength is a good thing. Lord knows this life is hard enough as it is; you gotta have a backbone if you're going to get through it. But I think sometimes when we say "stay strong" to someone it doesn't come off as "you'll be okay," it comes off as "just get over it already." It is asking the person to ignore all the emotions and feelings right beneath the surface. Because lord knows our society is not particularly good with dealing emotions. Especially ones that make us uncomfortable. Especially uncomfortable emotions that other people seem to need to express, sometimes long after we think they should be over it.

I know I have an inherent strength that keeps me going. The women in my family are strong, and we persevere. I have had to take care of myself for the majority of my life; there is no one else here so if I need something I have to know how to take care of that need. I am strong. But sometimes I get so frakking sick of being strong.

Even I can get kicked down.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Happy Holidays?

For the first time in like, the history of me, Christmas was not easy this year. Normally we just go up to Mom's on Christmas Eve and head back after dinner Christmas day. I mean, it varies, but for the most part Christmas has always happened on Christmas at either my parent's house or my grandparent's house.

Not this year.

For the first time ever, I will be working Christmas Day and my brother - who is the groundskeeper and evening "watch" at a local inn - will have guests for the week and will be unable to leave the premises after 6pm. Nor will we be able to use the inn to host our own holiday like we did with Thanksgiving, as there is a wedding party that has rented it out.

So Christmas will be at my place on December 23rd.

I haven't decorated for Christmas in I don't know how long. My holiday decorations are stored up at my Mom's. Which means I'll be heading up there this weekend to pick them up. And to purloin a roasting pan as I do not have one. I am freaking out more than a little as I do not "do" meat particularly well, and four people in my apartment will be cozy. But it's better than nothing.

At least I enjoy menu planning...

Last Chance.

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