I Don't Want to be "That" Girl

You know, the one who gets all clingy and whiny and pathetic when her boyfriend breaks up with her. The kind he has to hide from if he sees her when he's out and about of a day. The kind who gets her phone calls and texts blocked because they become so annoying, plaintively asking "but whyyyyyyyyyy?"

But sometimes it's tough. Especially when the boyfriend doesn't do a very good job of ending things. It leaves an opening, a "what if"... basically a lack of closure.

What all this is leading up to is that I've had a really tough time not reaching out to my ex the last couple days. Because I didn't really get any kind of closure, and there is still an opening, a "what if" still lingering in the air. It makes it harder to just walk away and not turn back.

Also, I've been holed up in my apartment sick for almost a week and all I've got to do when I'm not in a post-coughing fit-induced slumber is to think about What If.

I guess I need to find something else to think about.

I miss him.

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