Date #2

I had the rescheduled date last night with Bachelor #2. It went really, really well. He's a Vermonter, born and bred, but so am I so it works out. We have very similar views in regards to the state of our food system in the US. He's a very hard worker and is looking to improve himself by going back to school. Which I applaud! We went out to dinner, and the waiter kept giving us dirty looks because we kept ignoring the bill.

I will definitely go out with him again.

I will admit to having a war inside. Because on the one hand I still care very deeply about my Ex and am frankly worried about him. On the other hand, I am angry that I am being forced to find in someone else everything I knew was in him but he was afraid to experience.

I wanted these things with HIM. But that's not going to happen and I have no choice but to move on and find someone willing and able (and happy) to be everything I need him to be.

I think sometimes I might have started this process to soon, and that I still had things I needed to work out. But then, this is the slow time at work so I have plenty of time to work things out while I'm sitting at home flipping between the Food Network and HGTV. It is never going to be the right time to move on, you just have to do it and trust that eventually things will catch up.

I've said many times I'm not really angry at my Ex, and that's true. I'm not. I more resent the fact that I'm once again being forced to say good-bye to a good person I was not ready see leave my life. There were so many possibilities... and I have to let that go because there will be so many possibilities with another guy, I just need to give them the room and opportunity to grow.

I'm trying. What can I say? I'm trying!

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