It's funny... because as much as I really want to do this, I had to clear away a whole bunch of excuses to get here. I need that money in my savings account for a down payment on a new car next year. My left wrist can't handle the abuse it's going to get. I'm going to have to rearrange my work schedule. I'll never get to see The Boyfriend.
It's an old pattern that I have that kept me from doing pretty much anything I wanted to do back in my 20's. I'd talk myself out of it. I didn't really want to do it anyway. I had myself so far removed from my emotions and was so terrified of doing anything different that I was immobile.
And sometimes, apparently, I still do that. But really? All those excuses are hogwash:
- I'll apply for a grant, and if I don't get all of it paid for I'll get enough of it paid for that if I still need a car I can get one.
- My left wrist can handle it, I'm just going to need to be careful. Hell, it can use the stretching and maybe I'll be able to integrate some better body mechanics from what I learn here
- My boss at work has already cleared this. I'm just going to pick up a different day. One day a friggin' month. It's not like it's going to be EVERY weekend for nine months. Just one weekend a month.
- I will get to see The Boyfriend, because again, just one weekend a month. And if he switches to days like he wants to but can't until January 3rd, our schedules will actually mesh nicely.
If I keep talking myself out of the things I want but am afraid to want, I'm never going to get anywhere. I'll never accomplish anything, and I'll wonder why I'm alone with no friends.
I want this. I am going to do it. And I'm not going to let myself stand in the way.