Tuesday, October 30, 2012

So THIS Is What Oz Looks Like

Vermont lucked out. Some downed trees, some power outages. I haven't heard any reports of flooding.

We are lucky.

Good thoughts to others on the East Coast that were not so lucky.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Oh, Sandy!

What a wicked sense of humor you have!

As much as I hate getting caught up in storm hype, I admit to getting a little freaked out about this. I mean, I'm not in New York City or New Jersey or Pennsylvania or Maryland (although I have friends who are), but it looks as though the entire Eastern United States is going to get hit pretty hard.

One freakin' THIRD of the Country, yo. That's a lot of people.

I think Vermont is going to be "lucky" in that we're going to be dealing more with insane winds than insane water. Although, you just never know. I'm doing my best to prepare for several days without electricity. Luckily there isn't much in my freezer to go bad at the moment, and I cooked up the wicked expensive pastured, local eggs and chicken breasts in the hopes that they'll last a little longer in that form. Which they will 'cause raw meat doesn't last very long, does it? My plan is to eat perishables first, then move on to the less interesting non-perishables.

I have also bought some pre-made caffeine. Because I am not facing a long-term power outage without my morning coffee. Damn it. You can't take everything from me, Sandy!

I bought a gallon of water and have a few other containers I will fill tonight before bed. I also have liquids in the fridge that I will consume before the water, so I should be set for a few days. At least I'll be able to brush my teeth! I'll also be filling up my bathtub at some point so I'll have water to flush the toilet. Ugh. Fabulous.

I went out and bought a flashlight. I have located my paltry stash of candles. I am charging my batteries and my battery-operated radio is waiting for the juice.

I am hoping by my concession to preparedness none of this will be necessary and she'll peter out once she hits the Mountains.

I know, I know... wishful thinking.

Anyone care to make a wager as to how high the water will be Tuesday?

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Dance Hiatus

As in, I need to take one.

I know I've mentioned this before. I'm feeling it more and more. I've got a quickie performance at a local retirement home this Thursday and I don't want to do it. I've got a thing coming up November 17th and I don't want to do it. I've got a thing December 1st and I Don't. Want. To Do. It.

I have lost the joy dance once brought me. I'm sick of phoning in "performances". I'm sick of forgotten choreography and excuses for not showing up to rehearsals. I'm heartbroken over the loss of my quirky, fun dance gals. I'm resentful and angry that I've been put into the position where something that meant so much to me has been tarnished by other people's dramas.

I need to find the freedom and joy that it used to bring me. I need to find music that moves me to my bones until I can't help but move.

I need to find the pleasure in the dance again, and I'm not quite sure how to do it.

A blurry image of me in my first belly dance performance, ever. Back when I put the effort into it.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Leftovers No More

Once upon a time, I lived off leftovers. I adored them. Every Saturday, I would take myself to the health food store (locally nicknamed "Wealthy Living") and spend a lot of money on organic everything. On Sunday, I would take this glorious food and make two recipes: one for lunch and the other for dinner. And I would eat off it for the entire week.

Fast forward to now. I have all these glorious recipes. I make it with the intention of not only feeding myself and The Boyfriend over the weekend, but to continue to eat off it for the rest of the week. Healthy, yummy food that Does A Body Good and saves me money in the long run.

So it comes as a shock and a pity that come day two the last thing I want to do is eat it.

I'll force myself to eat some more of it, but it gets to a point where I simply need to freeze large portions or risk wasting large amounts of expensive food. I can't afford to waste food. I'm still struggling to maintain my organic desires, and if I'm spending $20 on a couple local, grass-fed chicken breasts, I'll be DAMNED if any of it is going to go to waste.

I don't know when or why the switch happened, but it irks me a little. I've taken to halving recipes just so I don't have as much in the way of leftovers, but it's frustrating. I guess the upside is I have plenty of frozen dinners that are homemade and yummy and healthy and have virtually no preservatives or other nasty things.


Food is good.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

It's Off!

This morning I wandered down to the post office and mailed off the last part of my grant application for my yoga teacher training. Good timing too, because not twenty minutes after returning it started to rain.


We're making up for our dry, sunny summer, that's for sure!

Anyway. I should know in three to six weeks whether or not I will get a grant (I will) and for how much (All of it. Please. Thank you).

Fingers crossed! Or rather, since we're talking yoga, body crossed.
I cannot do this. 

Tuesday, October 9, 2012


Over the past couple days, I have been thinking about taking a break from dancing. Well, mostly from performing but in general dancing. I mean, it's not like I'm making money off these performances and needing to travel about anywhere. I'm not a professional.

I'm just tired.

Performing has become a chore. It has become a game of "these guys were nice enough to come all the way up here for us, of course I'll drive two hours to do your show after I've worked a full shift." Every time a new performance comes up, it becomes a mix of excitement and dread. Every time I try to meet up with my troupe mates it becomes a massive email of who can meet when and no matter when it is, I always feel like it ends up taking time away from something (someone) else. Choreographing for the troupe is like pulling teeth.

All of this is completely normal.

And I'm just tired of it.

Of course, I'm pretty sure there are other things going on here (none of which I'll get into, even on a blog that like only seven people read. Because you never know). But right now this is like the most tangible thing I can put on the back burner for a while.

I don't know. I haven't said anything to anyone, because really I haven't made any decisions about anything. And maybe it's just that time of year when all I want to do is hole up and wait for the sun to come back.

I don't know.

Me at my last performance. I may be off my game, but at least the picture is good!

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Yippy Skippy!

Yesterday was the informational meeting for next year's yoga teacher training. It was a good sized group of people, and many had already committed to attending next year. I saw a couple friendly faces - some fellow massage therapists - which makes me super happy because how fun would that be to do this with some friends?

Anyway, at the end of the meeting I handed in my deposit check, so I am officially On The List. Now, I just need to get going on applying for grant money so I can get this paid for without sucking my savings account dry dry dry.

I am doing this!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Sometimes "Going for it" Means You Actually Have to Go Out and Get It

I believe I mentioned earlier this year how I put my name in the hat for a local studio's 200 hour yoga teacher training. Well, the informational meeting is this Saturday. I asked if I could get off from work an hour early to attend, and the manager was really cool about it. It probably helps that I picked up and entire extra shift (with an extra hour on that shift), not necessarily to compensate but because I'm cool like that.

It's funny... because as much as I really want to do this, I had to clear away a whole bunch of excuses to get here. I need that money in my savings account for a down payment on a new car next year. My left wrist can't handle the abuse it's going to get. I'm going to have to rearrange my work schedule. I'll never get to see The Boyfriend.

It's an old pattern that I have that kept me from doing pretty much anything I wanted to do back in my 20's. I'd talk myself out of it. I didn't really want to do it anyway. I had myself so far removed from my emotions and was so terrified of doing anything different that I was immobile.

And sometimes, apparently, I still do that. But really? All those excuses are hogwash:

  • I'll apply for a grant, and if I don't get all of it paid for I'll get enough of it paid for that if I still need a car I can get one.
  • My left wrist can handle it, I'm just going to need to be careful. Hell, it can use the stretching and maybe I'll be able to integrate some better body mechanics from what I learn here
  • My boss at work has already cleared this. I'm just going to pick up a different day. One day a friggin' month. It's not like it's going to be EVERY weekend for nine months. Just one weekend a month.
  • I will get to see The Boyfriend, because again, just one weekend a month. And if he switches to days like he wants to but can't until January 3rd, our schedules will actually mesh nicely.
If I keep talking myself out of the things I want but am afraid to want, I'm never going to get anywhere. I'll never accomplish anything, and I'll wonder why I'm alone with no friends. 

I want this. I am going to do it. And I'm not going to let myself stand in the way.

Monday, October 1, 2012


I have a sneaking suspicion that The Boyfriend thinks our one-year anniversary is this Friday. It's actually next month, but I don't want to say anything. I'd rather celebrate it a month early than not at all! So, basically... everything I was going to do for next month needs to be pulled together in the next four days.

Just in case.

If I'm wrong, then I'll have everything all set for next month. If I'm right... then I'm the Queen of Being Able to Pull Shit Together at the Drop of a Hat.

It's good to be the Queen of something.

Last Chance.

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