Sunday, February 19, 2012

Little Things

1. I love going to bed to the wonderful smell of broth being born in the crock pot, and waking up to discover the beautiful golden liquid all ready to go. Our poor grandmas had to simmer this stuff all. day. long. We can just dump it in a crock pot and go to bed.

2. At night sometimes, my mind won't shut off. It ruminates on things I'd rather go to sleep to block out. When this happens, I start counting all the blessing I have right in that moment. I have a soft comfortable bed to sleep in, with pillows and blankets to keep me warm. I have a wonderful apartment to shelter me. I have enough food to eat. I have a teddy bear that shows me unconditional love. I love and am loved. I don't have it so bad, and whatever is hurting me in that moment is temporary and will pass. And if it needs to be dealt with, it will be. Tomorrow.

3. I'm sleeping better with a nightlight on in the kitchen. Don't judge.

4. If I'm serious about taking a month off from work (and I want to be), I need to start saving money. NOW.

5. I'm doing MyPlate again and trying to be serious about it. I lost 1.3 pounds last week and am very happy for that. I've shifted my goal somewhat. At one point, I wanted to get down to 135, where I was able to hold my weight for almost 10 years. At this point, if I could get down to 137, I'd be happy. Hell, if I could get below 140 I'd be thrilled. I'm doing it a little differently this time around. I'm trying to keep my total calories eaten in a day between 1,600 and 2,000. Things start going "in the red" if you go over your target caloric intake, but I'm trying to tell myself so long as I stay under 2,000 I'm still eating less. And I can only go over 1,600 if I am truly hungry... which I sometimes am. Being strict and lenient at the same time is hard.

6. Valentine's Day was a total bust. It also brought forward some deeper issues that need to be addressed if we're going to be successful. I want us to be successful. I so do. We're about three months in again and this is where we fell apart last time, and what I want more than anything is to get past this and keep going. Together. It's on my mind and in my heart. I worry that it will fall apart again, and I hope that this time it won't.

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