Wednesday, November 30, 2011

We're a Go!

Yesterday was a slow start to work, so I was able to go over and get the keys to my new place. I can start moving things in this evening.

My car is packed with the first load, and my thighs are now all wobbly from going up and down the stairs with boxes a tad too heavy for me. I always forget how much my car holds. I've put a fair dent in the stuff already. I'm figuring maybe just three or four car loads (not counting plants, which will be the last to move) and I'll be done with the non-furniture stuff. I have a friend with a truck helping me on Friday. I'm not sure how big her boyfriend's truck is, so I'm thinking maybe three loads there, and then I'm done!

I'm beginning to believe that my goal of being moved in on Friday can be realized. Which would be really, really nice.

Fingers crossed this move is as smooth and painless as possible!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Sometimes I Miss...

...going to church.

It doesn't happen very often, but every once in a while - especially this time of year - I get a little nostalgic for it. I always liked how lovely churches look all done up for Christmas, and the songs were always so fun to sing at this time of year.

I grew up very involved in our United Church (combined Methodist and Congregationalist). While I believe I've posted before that I didn't believe in God until I was five or six, once I decided I did believe I went whole hog, so to speak. I was in all the pageants, had near perfect attendance for Sunday School multiple years running, was in the junior choir though I couldn't sing, and was the go-to babysitter for pretty much the entire congregation. In my teen years, I was highly involved in something we called "Caraway Street": a kind of Sesame Street for the church. It was a large set, replete with both human and puppet characters. We had a high proportion of dramatically gifted teens in our church for some reason, and because of this it was highly popular.

I miss those good ol' days, I suppose. I had a lot of fun then. But as soon as I went off to college, I stopped going to church. I'd still make it for the Christmas Eve service when I came back, but once Dad died even those fell by the wayside. Ironically, my father's death had nothing to do with my abandoning church. By the time he died, I had long given it up and never considered going back.

I can't remember the last time I went to church. I think it was for my Grandmother's funeral. And I can remember sitting there thinking as the pastor read the sermon that I could see why people would flock to such a place, to draw any comfort they could from the words he spoke. Words I found conciliatory and hollow.

I think while I have this romantic idea (born of my younger years) of community and togetherness, the reality is that there is just as much backstabbing, gossip, and politics in a church as there is any place people get together. Because, inevitably, someone wants to be in charge, and someone else is not happy with that, and someone else is jealous of yet another person and would like nothing better than for them to get a bit of a comeuppance.

No.... I'm not jaded. Not at all.

So, while I sometimes miss going to church, I guess my point is that I stopped finding any kind of spiritual presence there a very long time ago. If I want to feel the presence of the Deity (more often of late, the one I call The Lady), I go outside and take a walk and marvel in the beauty all around me.

I've always maintained that there is more than one path for spiritual seekers and so long as it fills a need for the individual person, it doesn't much matter what the actual form takes. I know there are a great many out there who find solace and peace and Deity in their churches or religious organizations. I guess for me, I find it elsewhere. It is a solitary thing for me. I find it in nature, in meditation, in dance. I don't look without to find Deity, I look within.

Although, I still love a way a church looks decorated for Christmas.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Quickie Post

Need to leave for work in 15 minutes. After spending the last four days not working, this is going to be tough. I am in desperate need of some extended time off. Again.

Mostly packed now, save fro the stuff I am using and the last little bits I just don't know what to do with. Which makes it kinda depressing here as I'm still living here through Friday. I've moved the tv back into the bedroom so I can curl up under my blankets and watch movies. On the mattresses that are now on the floor as I've deconstructed my bed.

As I've said. Depressing.

I actually went out and bought chocolate. Chocolate always helps.

Will keep you posted.

Can't wait until I have the damned keys...

Friday, November 25, 2011

By this time next week...

...I'll be doing the Big Move.

My goal for today? Call the utilities. 'Cause I haven't done that yet. Actually I still don't have my key yet. I think I'm still waiting for the bottom to fall out on this, despite all signs to the contrary. I just can't believe that I've found what I want in the price range I want in the general area I want.

Who is that lucky?

So, yeah. I keep waiting for the Landlord to call and say "Sorry. I've rented it to someone else. Here's your check back."

Positivity is the key here. I need to not wait for the bottom to fall out, because if I keep doing that it will. So I just need to keep on like I believe everything is fine.

And it will be.

Sunday, November 20, 2011


1. It's 4:54pm outside and already pitch-black. It feels more like 8:30. Except it's barely 5. It's screwing with my head, it is.

2. I always pick the most inopportune times to move. Not only have I chosen to move the same weekend as a show - one that is a solid 2.5 hours away from here - but I also am not taking any time off, the 1st is a Thursday and as such no one will be able to help me until Saturday, AND there's this pesky holiday this week so all the days I'd normally have to take care of details (like heat and gas) are essentially cut in half. Why can I never do anything the easy way?

3. Speaking of never doing anything the easy way, I'm on the road towards getting back together with the Ex that broke my heart earlier this year and lead me to post all kinds of pathetic things that must have drove all of y'all crazy. It's an exceedingly long story and everyone I know pretty much thinks I'm making a mistake. Maybe I am. But I've got to try. And - more to the point - he's trying. He really is. He apologized and he's doing what it takes to convince me that he understands what a huge mistake he made. We shall see. The heart wants what it will, for better or worse.

4. I bought wine to go with dinner this evening. I packed the wine glasses five days ago. I am drinking the wine out of a coffee mug. Oh yeah. And I'm proud of it.

5. The fire alarm in the empty apartment next door is beeping. I am assuming this is a different fire alarm than the one that already received a fresh battery courtesy of moi two months ago. I flat out refuse to do it again. Mainly on principle but also because I have no more 9-volt batteries. The first alarm took my spare. I notified the Landlady's daughter on Friday morning mainly because I know the Landlady can't hear it and would probably just ask me to do it anyway. It's Sunday evening and the damned thing is still beeping. This reminds me of the time I lived in Waterbury and the people in the apartment next to me let the damn thing beep for six freaking months. I am not exaggerating. I refused to let it get to me though. Eventually I stopped hearing it and it was a week before I realized that they'd moved out and the Landlord (bless his heart - he was a good landlord) replaced the battery.

6. I cannot wait for the day when I no longer have to hear a whiny "Kaaaaaaaate?" hollered up the stairs because the Landlady needs something.

7. Man, I have turned into Bitter Betty living here. Going to give myself a massive Reiki dose this evening. Speaking of, I'm working on getting my Level 2 certification sometime in December. Looking forward to this as I think it will really expand my energetic healing horizons.

I think that's it. All the randomness not fit to print but lucky you I did it anyway.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Moving Sucks.

Being in a new place? Fun.

Having enough room for two people to be in the same place at the same time? Fun.

Shopping for a couch? Fun.

Packing? Not fun.

Trying to figure out the order and timing in which to open a PO Box, change addresses on all my stuff, cancel and start accounts with various utilities? Not fun.

Being all settled and cozy in my Li'l Hobbit Hole? Priceless.

Will be all moved in as of December 3rd, although I'll be bringing the smaller stuff in piecemeal as soon as I get the keys (hopefully before Thanksgiving). Will have until the 11th to finish cleaning the old place. It shouldn't take too long once everything is out.

I just wish I could blink my eyes and magically move everything over there with no fuss and bother.

That would be nice. :-)

Saturday, November 12, 2011


Yesterday I informed the landlady and her daughter that I'd be moving out at the end of the month. I wrote a note to the landlady... who knows if she actually read it or not. Her daughter got my email, though. Sorry to see me go, did I know of anyone who wanted the place? Um... no. All of my friends have seen this place and have listened to me complain about it ad nauseum. So no.

Then she mentioned that technically I was supposed to give 30 days notice. Well, fuck. I gave 20. It's a month to month. I've been a great tenant and I've gone WAY above and beyond in helping your mother out. God forbid you let a few days slide. So I offered to pay a per diem rate for those days in December, minus the time I spent with her Mother. It's not like I'm going to be here for them anyway.

I'm still going to move out as soon as I get the chance. Just because you insist on me paying through the 11th does not mean I actually have to be here for it. And considering how "picky" your mom is being in getting tenants for the apartment across the hall, I highly doubt you'll be getting anyone for this place in the near future. Technically, I think the landlady is violating a few fair housing laws in regards to who she's willing to rent the space to, but try telling that to an 80-something lady who has refused to come into the 1990's, let alone the 2000's.

If I have to put off moving the majority of my things until December 3rd I can. I mean, I have a show that night but it wouldn't be the first time I moved on a show date. Hell, it wouldn't be the second time, either. It can be done. I can start moving smaller carloads on the 1st to be sure. It's only the big stuff I'd really need help with, like the mattresses and furniture. And technically it would give me plenty of time to clean the place. It's not like the landlady will be around anyway - she'll be leaving the week of Thanksgiving to spend the winter at her daughter's.

I can make this work. I'm a little peeved that they're going to split hairs about this, but I can make it work.

My new place has space for a couch! I've got one I'm keeping my eye on. I hope the store delivers.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Thank you, Universe!!!

I have a new apartment!!!!!!

Happy, happy, joy, joy!!!! I'll be moving for the first of the month, so round about December 1st. As that's a Thursday and the apartment is currently empty, I'm hoping the landlord will be flexible and let me move in the weekend before. I want to be out of this place as soon as humanly possible.

The new place is ten minutes away from work, cutting my commute down by 20 minutes. It is about the same price (+$25) with literally twice the space. Full-sized everything. The ceilings are way low, but as it stands now that's about the only downside.

This is so what I need. And if things hold, I'll be able to move before the weather gets truly bad (knock on wood).

Thank you, Universe!!!!!!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

New Beginnings

This past Thursday evening, I experienced catastrophic hard drive failure. As in, when the techie called me after dropping it off for servicing, he said that the computer wasn't even reading as having a hard drive installed.


I have a hard drive again. And after a few false starts I am once again connected to the internet.

I have found it ironic that losing everything on the hard drive didn't phase me in the least, yet not being able to connect to the internet freaked me all the hell out. I know I should have backed up more often than I did. And I do have a back up to some things (old stories, old resumes, etc etc), but basically everything I put on my computer after 2007 is gone. Photos, the book I claimed to have started but actually worked very little on, my new business plan - which I also worked very little on -, all of my massage school assignments, choreography notes... gone.

Somehow, this is freeing.

Like, all the things that had been increasingly cluttering my internal surroundings have been taken care of for me. There is nothing on that old hard drive that I will die without. There are a few things I will miss, to be sure. But most things aren't truly gone. Photos of friends are up on Facebook, half of the book is saved right here in Blogger, to be moved and reformatted when I feel like it. The music I truly cared about was on my iPod and easily re-synched. The rest are on various cds under my bed and can be re-uploaded at my leisure.

It was not being able to connect with the people I wanted to that sent me panicking. I mean, I got in touch with the five people most likely to notice my interweb absence via phone, but really? Most of my friends either contact me via Facebook or Chat, or we're talking in person. Not having the immediate connection scared me, made me afraid that I would sink back into my habits of 10 or 15 years ago, where I holed up, alone in my apartment pretending there wasn't a life to be lived, or people to have in it.

I never want to go back there. Not ever.

But here I am. All is once again well with the world. I can communicate... to all six of you... easily.

Now... to just put myself back on this computer...

So.... You Want to be an Artist.

For the last several weeks, I have been working through The Artist's Way . This book has been out since the 1990's and I've been...