Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Yesterday was not a bad day.

I keep telling myself that. Good things happened yesterday. Good things that should outweigh the bad things. But the bad things are the ones that keep niggling, aren't they?

I had someone tell me last night (or rather, tell me through someone else) that I gave them the worst massage they'd ever had, and five minutes into it wished that it would just be over.

Now, if that isn't a blow to the old ego, I don't know what is.

I am still reeling from that, although not as bad as I was last night. It was kind of the last in a long line of straws on a day that just never took off the way it should have.

Then this morning my Notes from the Universe told me that I invited this criticism into my life. Great. Just... great.

Maybe not untrue, but not exactly what I wanted to hear before my first cup of coffee was finished. The truth is, I've been surprised for a while now that I haven't gotten more criticisms like this. I've been doing my best when I can, but I haven't been emotionally present. I've done my best to give my clients what they deserve to have, but it's hard to give when you're scraping the bottom of the barrel of your own emotional reserves.

I am emotionally tapped out. I've got nothing left to give anyone at this point, and I've still got two days to go before my 3-day weekend, and even then I have responsibilities I must tend to while I'm "off". I slept nearly 10 hours last night and while I slept LOADS better than I have in days, I'm still physically exhausted too. I'm tapped out emotionally, physically, mentally... I've got nothing left people.

I was going to take a respite at my mom's for three days, but that is currently not an option for reasons I'll not post here. What I really need is to find a solitary cabin by the water and hole up in it with books, movies, wine, and NOTHING ELSE. I can just sit by the water and let it soothe the edges.

I guess I'm going to have to settle for area parks by the lake instead, and just pretend I'm the only one there. In between all the other stuff I have to do while I'm on my "break."


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