I had an emotional breakdown at work yesterday morning, before I ever saw my first client. Someone made the mistake of asking me what was wrong, and I just burst into tears. I could not stop crying.
I managed to pull it together for my first two clients (luckily by the time the second one arrived, they told her that I didn't feel well), and the wonderful front desk ladies cleared my schedule for the rest of the day so I could go home and take care of myself.
I did some movie watching, eating (nachos and cookies, yo), and actually a lot of creating. I also pulled myself together enough to go to my dance class, which is a balm in and of itself. A small group of amazing, supportive women who had me laughing hysterically was exactly what I needed.
I am not back to myself today. I can still feel the... lowness... is the best way to describe it. Although, I think the odds of me bursting into tears and scaring the crap out of my coworkers has gone down considerably. Still, I have a full work schedule today and I need to get through it to my three-day weekend. I wish it was a weekend with no responsibilities, no drains on my time, because that is truly what I need most. Right now, I need to not have anything asked of me. I simply can't follow through. I have so thoroughly depleted myself that I truly have nothing left to give at the moment.
I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to get through this day with nothing to give. I mean, I can only fake it for so long with caffeine, sugar, and other such legal "props" that keep a person going when they shouldn't.
I'll get through it.
I always get through it.
I really need someone else to be the strong one for a while, so I can be the one to collapse for once.
I'm so tired.
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