That's really all one can do, isn't it?
I'm doing my best to keep busy, but I will freely admit that I've been spending a lot of time in front of the boob tube. Which is actually not hooked up to cable or satellite or anything, so I've been watching a lot of movies and old Buffy episodes. I also went and spent three hours of my life watching the latest Transformers movie yesterday.
I know it is escapism, I know I am avoiding my feelings. I am really okay with this. Sometimes you need a break from yourself, and I have been living with this crap for the better part of two weeks now. I don't want to think about it anymore. I want to just let go and move on.
Luckily I have a great group of friends. I've got stuff to look forward to for the next couple of weeks, including a long-lost friend I haven't seen in almost 15 years (hi, Becky!!) and a mate coming over from the UK on business for a few days that I haven't seen in I think nearly two years. Today my friend Jen and I will be going to the local farmer's market. It is the first time this season that I've been able to attend, and I have been looking forward to it for a week now.
Life goes on, I know it does. I know the pain, hurt and confusion will fade with time. I know I will probably never get the answers that I deserve to have, and that I'll have to let that go as well.
I really hate the saying "It is better to have love and lost then never to have loved at all." I've done a lot of loving and losing over my lifetime. I had hoped to keep this one.
And still... life goes on.