Tuesday, June 28, 2011

As you may have guessed....

...I'm not exactly having the best week ever. Won't go into detail here, and am sick to death of playing details in my head over and over again. Work is a solace, because I can focus on other people's issues for a while and let mine go.

I can only boil it down to the basic: I have no idea what the hell is going on right now. 


Lately, instead of drawing random tarot cards, I've been taking the book from one of my decks and just opening it to a random page. Seems just as effective and a hell of a lot easier. I've been using the Enchanted Tarot deck's book. I did it just a couple minutes ago, and this is the "card" I got:

Nine of Swords: Nightmare

In the night, a sleeping figure lies trapped in a dark, nightmare world existing on the edge of sleep. Strange demons, repressed hurts and childhood fears range freely. Worse than the sight of this chaos, is the feeling of being held in its grasp. Unclear forms alter shape, and circle in ever-stranger and more fearsome forms. 

This is a lonesome place, far from help and comfort. Shadows of pain, suffering and depression overwhelm the sleeper until she becomes a victim of her own thoughts and, like a martyr, repeatedly impales herself on their hurtful points. Her eyes are closed because she cannot bear to look at these fears when she is awake. 

The only way she can escape from these nightmares, however, is to open her eyes and awaken to what is really bothering her. She must confront it in broad daylight, no matter that there may be reputations lost, false friends discovered or the most unpleasant of feelings set loose. The alternative is torment.

Um...yeah. So extremely apropos. Although I must say I am sick of impaling myself and am in fact trying to confront what I need to confront. I'm working on it. I think there are more things to let go of... well, really one thing to let go of. But it feels like by letting go of it I'll be letting go of hope. So, I guess right now I'm trying to figure out how to let go of the one but not the other.


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