Showing posts from June, 2011

As you may have guessed....

...I'm not exactly having the best week ever. Won't go into detail here, and am sick to death of playing details in my head over and over again. Work is a solace, because I can focus on other people's issues for a while and let mine go.
I can only boil it down to the basic: I have no idea what the hell is going on right now. 
Lately, instead of drawing random tarot cards, I've been taking the book from one of my decks and just opening it to a random page. Seems just as effective and a hell of a lot easier. I've been using the Enchanted Tarot deck's book. I did it just a couple minutes ago, and this is the "card" I got:
Nine of Swords: Nightmare

In the night, a sleeping figure lies trapped in a dark, nightmare world existing on the edge of sleep. Strange demons, repressed hurts and childhood fears range freely. Worse than the sight of this chaos, is the feeling of being held in its grasp. Unclear forms alter shape, and circle in ever-stranger and mo…

The Cave

It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind

The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hangin…

Letting Go

Every once in a while, my desire to let things that I'm clinging to go manifests as a physical thing. These past couple of days, I've been desperate to get rid of things that I no longer want and/or need. I've started another Goodwill box, and as the days have gone by it's been filling up. 
I've also felt the need to reorganize and generally clean my space. Which, if you know me in real life at all you know that this is a very rare event indeed. I spent a good portion of last night re-organizing my bedroom; putting things away, putting things in the Goodwill box, making a pile of things to be thrown out. 
It's a rainy, dreary day here. I'm thinking this evening it may be time to tackle the living/kitchen area. I've already started by putting a few things in the Goodwill box. But this space could definitely be decluttered.
I guess if this physical manifestation of letting go is going to help me deal with the things I need to deal with, then it's a good …

30 Seconds

It takes 30 seconds to let someone know you care about them, that you are thinking about them, that you are glad they are in your life.

30 seconds to send a quickie email, to text them, to leave a phone message... heck to talk to them directly. "Hey, you! I can't chat but I wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you. We'll talk more soon, kay? Miss you, Bye."

30 seconds out of your life lets someone else know that they are in your mind and your heart. That while the distance may be great (or small, for that matter), you are carrying them close until you can *be* close.

Just 30 seconds does all that.

If you can't find 30 second out of your life to let someone know they are important to you, you need to take a long, hard look at a few things.

Debbie Downer

This whole attachment/craving thing is really getting the better of me. Boyfriend's father has come up from Down South, and he apparently "stays until he gets bored, then leaves." So... basically another two weeks or more before I get to see him again. Although if he wants me to meet Dad like I've met everyone else, there will at least be a dinner in there somewhere. Which something.

This also means that he won't be able to attend the show I have this evening. Which is fine, I get it. And there are no hard feelings. I'm not angry about it, but it does makes me a little sad because he helped me pick out the song I'm doing for it and it would have been nice... y'know? But it's okay. There will be other shows. 

I want to go back to April when I was seeing him three times a week instead of the three times a month we're averaging now.
I think the real problem is I'm feeling pretty left out and unimportant. Which is all completely MY problem. Ther…


1. I think I did have a cold. It's on its way out now - I'm at the stuffy nose can't seem to blow it enough phase. Although, it's really not that bad. I didn't really get all that sick. Just a little run down. So I'm calling it a win.

2. Got to see The Boyfriend this weekend after two weeks of not. Yay! Still super busy though and who knows when I'll get to see him again. Trying very hard not to let it get to me. Attachment and cravings and all that. Trying to be in the here and now, because that's really the only place I can be.

3. Thinking of doing a yoga teacher training next year. One of the local studios is offering a 200 hour training. It's done over the course of nine months, so it's a relaxed, easy pace (to put it in perspective, my massage training was 690 hours in nine months). I think I can swing the fee, and with my upcoming schedule change at work it'll make things easier. The classes don't start until January, so I have a w…

What is this... thing... in my throat?

It started yesterday. So small and unassuming I chalked it up to a massive pollen count. By the end of last night, there was definitely something going on with my throat. Now, I've had sore throats and this is not it, but it's at that point where it feels like it wants to turn into one but can't quite get up the gumption to do it.

Of course I am not happy about this. Boyfriend is coming up tomorrow and as I haven't seen him in two weeks I really would prefer to not greet him with a stuffy nose, watery eyes, and a hacking cough. Looking on the bright side of this, it isn't getting any worse. Perhaps it is the high pollen count. Or I caught it early enough to head it off at the pass.

Regardless, I'm pounding back the orange juice like it's going out of style and will be bringing some Throat  Comfort tea with me to work today. I'm going to eat as healthy as possible, and not over-do the physical exertion today (ha! Like I ever do). If my body wants rest, r…

Success and Cravings

Yesterday was a truly beautiful day here in Vermont. The sun shone, the temperature was just right, and the day begged you to come out and enjoy it. So I did. I didn't have to be at work until 3pm, so I decided to have myself a picnic lunch down by the waterfront. I bought myself a couple of magazines, put on my SPF 6,000 and went out into the day.

One of the magazines I purchased was Tathaastu. It wasn't the newest issue, which apparently Borders didn't have yet, but the March/April issue. It had a lot of good articles on ayurveda, yoga nidra, meditation and other things of the mind/body genre. One article particularly stood out for me: Field of Comfort by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. It spoke not just of physical comfort but mental and emotional comfort.

If you read this blog at all, you know that I suffer from an overabundance of perfectionism that has a tendency to make me, well, crazy. This article reframed the notion of success and failure for me. An excerpt:
There is so muc…

Pictures from my Vacation

Let's see if my internet connection will be a good boy and let me post some pictures... Well, the first attempt two days ago failed miserably. Let's see if it will let me this afternoon. You will, won't you? Be a nice internet and cooperate (for once in your frakking existence...)

My Travels as Described by Facebook Status Updates

...because apparently now I think in Facebook status updates. I actually kept a running list of things I wanted to post but never got around to because of time constraints/no access.

Yes, I am a geek.

Here they are, in no particular order:
I don't know if I trust couples who have matching luggage. It's like couples who wear the same thing. There is just something wrong there, I can't put my finger on it.If you pahk the cah at Hahvahd Yahd, it gets towed. Just sayin'.Ate at a wonderful little Italian restaurant in Boston's North End, then had a wander. Beautiful evening. Even Paul Revere agreed, although he basically just stood there the whole time without saying anything.(Said in your best Swedish Chef impersonation) York! York! York!I am now a sufferer of Driver Sunburn. Ouch. But hey... sun!According to the signs, we somehow managed to drive North, East and South all at the same time. Maine truly is a magical place!Bar Harbor reminds me a lot of Montpelier. Only, …


I'm home from driving the Maine coast. It was awesome. Today, we started in Bar Harbor, ME and ended in Burlington, VT. Even though I've stopped driving, I'm going to feel like I'm still moving for a looong time to come. We made really good time. It would have been 6.5 hours if we hadn't have stopped for dinner in Montpelier. But by then we were both hungry and in need of not being the car for a while.

I'll have more to come tomorrow or the next day, including some pictures.

Nice to see y'all again! :-)