Monday, February 28, 2011

Grinz

I had an amazingly wonderful weekend. Good things are blooming!



Okay, so like not literally because we still have a foot of snow on the ground and we're getting sleet and freezing rain this morning.

But Things in my life are manifesting and oh how wonderful it is.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Latest Mantra

In the last few days, I've developed a new manta. Oh, don't worry - "let go of the attachments that no longer serve you" hasn't gone very far. It's one of my favorites, if I do say so myself. Good for any and all occasions.

The new one came to me after really thinking about what I could do to bring "nurture" back into my massages. Of course, self-nurture is key. After all, you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping someone else put their on.
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Or something.

Anyway.

The new mantra is "I honor the Divinity in you." It is sort of one half of the Namaste translation: The divine in me recognizes and honors the divine in you. Or something to that effect.

It is meant to be intentionally humbling to me. I use it to remind myself that each and every person I come in contact with (or could potentially come in contact with) has the Divine in them. As such, if I wish to honor the Divine, then I must honor them. I also use it to remind myself not to project my feelings and frustrations on to other people when, really, they have done nothing wrong. Especially to me.

I have been using it before and during massages in an attempt to reconnect with my clients, and it has been working. I don't say it out loud because, frankly, I don't want them to look at me like I'm a nutter, but I say it silently. I feel my massages have been improving, and I am once again beginning to feel energy and the body "talking" to me. I haven't felt that in weeks.

I am still in need of time off to replenish my own stores, but this seems to be helping me. I haven't yet tried it during my morning commute. Mainly because I'm afraid it'll come out sounding like a string of curse words.

Baby steps.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Fizzle

All month long, there has been something "off" about my massages. I couldn't put my finger on what, though. Nobody's complained and the tips have still been good, but I just have not felt that connection with almost any of my clients.

It didn't dawn on me until nearly the end of my shift on Saturday that I had lost my "nurture." It was gone. That was the reason I wasn't connecting with any of my clients; I had nothing to give them. I've used my nurture all up. I'm spent. I need to do some serious self-nurturing (or better yet, find someone to nurture me!) in order to get my mojo back.

Part of the problem is that I have taken NO time off since I started work there in July. Plus, I only got one day off last week as I covered for a coworker with an emergency. Plus, I'm only getting one day off this week as I'm covering for a coworker on vacation. I'm burned out. Which would certainly explain why I took a four-hour nap today instead of getting my laundry done.

So, to start I'm taking next Monday off and having a three-day weekend. It isn't enough by a long shot, but it will help considerably. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet, but I'll be thinking about it this week. I also need to put in now for a week off. I'm thinking maybe in April sometime. I'd love to go someplace warm and green and lush and vibrant. Preferably one that has drinks with cute little umbrellas.

But odds are just as likely I'll spend the days watching Buffy DVDs and sleeping in.

I'm okay with that too.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Book Review: The Complete Book of Ayurvedic Home Remedies

The Complete Book of Ayurvedic Home RemediesI will be the first to admit that I've had my eye on this book for a while. I'd flipped through it before in Borders but neither had the money nor the inclination to actually purchase it.

However, after the cleanse I went through back in January I decided to purchase the book. The facilitator of the cleanse was actually a student of the author and referenced him many times during the three workshops.

The book itself is divided into three parts. The first details what Ayurveda is, the philosophy behind it, how to determine your dosha, characteristics of the doshas, and why people get sick. The second part is titled "Putting Ayurveda to Work" and goes into detail regarding how this ancient form of medicine can benefit you. The third part gives home remedies for a slew of maladies, from acne to yeast infections.

The book does an excellent job of explaining the basics of Ayurveda and how it can be applied to your every day life. While the book does not go into detail regarding the cleanse I did, it does give you several options to choose from in regards to the home remedies. It breaks down the remedies depending on which dosha you are, gives herbal supplements, behavior modifications, and even supportive yoga poses. The author tries very hard to - when possible - use herbs and spices that most people would have in their kitchens already.

Some of the information is common sense. For example, some of the advice for "Nosebleeds" is to squeeze your nose, use a cold compress and to humidify your surroundings. But then, there is also the advice to drink cool water. Cold constricts the blood vessels, which apparently in many cases helps stop the bleeding.

I like the fact that this book presents common solutions to problems that nine times out of ten do not need medical intervention. However, for that 10th time, the book also includes "When to See a Doctor" passages. I definitely foresee consulting with this book when I have issues.

I know there are naysayers out there that would read the suggestions in this book and call them hokey, new-aged, or even useless. Which is, of course, their opinion and they are welcome to it. However, I firmly believe that a great many maladies can be reversed by healthful diet and supportive behavioral changes. This book supports that. Although even I will admit some of the suggestions are a bit beyond my comfort zone. Thankfully, the book recognizes that this is a Western audience and gives advice that meets you where you are. If you aren't comfortable with a basti, there are other things you can do.

Thankfully.

On the whole, I would recommend this book. I believe there are others out there that go into greater depth regarding home remedies, but for a starter book this is a good one.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Percolatin' Positivities

So, I have a couple things I'm working on right now. One is intensely private and won't be posted here. But I just thought you should know I'm working on it. ;-) The other could end up as something or as nothing. I'm not sure yet.

I've started writing again.

I'm not sure what this will turn into. If it will turn into anything. But Inspiration smashed me over the head a couple days ago and I felt compelled to actually give it some time. There was a lot more there than I expected and I enjoyed the time I spent with it.

My usual habit in writing is to get three or four pages in and then just stop. This has the potential to keep going, so I'm going to do so. I'm not going to try to force it to be anything it isn't or force myself to work on it when I'm not up to it.

It's a take-it-as-it-comes kind of deal right now. But I will admit that this is the first time I've felt excited about anything I've written in a long, long time.

I'll keep you posted. They'll be cryptic posts, but they'll be here.

From time to time.

Okay, so you probably won't hear anything more on it until I either give it up or finish it.

But you'll know.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Baby Me

I am at my weekend. YAY!

I survived Valentine's Day. This is always difficult for me. I have never had a valentine. In all my years, whenever I was in a relationship, it always ended before or started after this fateful day. So, it's a hard day for me. I won't go into it here, but suffice it to say that for several days after I'm usually pretty down. Chocolate can only take you so far, and pretty flowers you buy for yourself are still bought by you and not someone who cherishes you.

So, I'm going home to my Mamma. I haven't seen her since Christmas so I'm over-due. But really, I just need to be taken care of for a couple days. I need someone to feed me comfort food I didn't make myself and to have it be okay if all I want to do is watch reruns of Law and Order: SVU or bad SyFy shows.

Sometimes, what you need is a good wallow.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Obsess much?

Last year, one of my unofficial goals (ie, one not set down at the beginning of the year but one that developed) was to "let go of that which no longer served me."

I started using this mantra - ironically enough - for someone I was dating. Well, dating would be a loose term for what we were doing. Very loose. Actually it's probably not even the right word, but I'm going with it. Anyway. That "relationship" was doing me more emotional harm* than good and I needed to let go of it. As the year progressed, the mantra started applying to other things as well.

The idea of letting go of what isn't working for me very much applies to this year's goal of developing healthy relationships. Because, really, what I need to do is let go of the idea that those unhealthy habits are in some way helping me.

Take, for example, the Great Wind Experiment. Which I have concluded without testing everything I wanted to test. Mainly because I ended up trading one kind of obsession (dieting) for another. I know of some of the worst offenders and will just be careful to eat some of the other suspects when I don't have to work. Other than that, I'm just eating what I want. In moderation. Mostly. Still working on the moderation thing, but I've come to the conclusion that sometimes moderation and I just don't get along and the best thing to do is just make as many conscious choices as I can, then accept myself and my behavior and move on.


Obsession and I are old friends and once an idea gets stuck in my head, it will get turned around every which way. Every facet will be explored, every option gone over multiple times, and every eventuality planned for. My brain can be highly logical at the oddest moments (and yes, Alex, I actually heard you snort at this. Like I said, the oddest moments.) There are many situations in which this ability is highly desired. But dinnertime is not one of those situations.

Hello, my name is Kate and I am obsessed with food.



*No, not actual harm. There was no abuse going on or anything. He was just a douche that I convinced myself I liked and as a result put myself through most of my own anguish. Self-martyr, much?

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Restless

Happy Saturday, Everyone!

Oh wait. Okay, so it's Tuesday. But it's my Saturday. We got another six inches (give or take) of snow last night, and I am avoiding going outside to clean off my car yet again. I will need to at some point. But at the moment it is warm in here and I don't wanna.

The thing is, I'm feeling really restless this morning. Like I need to be out DOING something. In every season but winter, this is usually when I go out and take a nice long walk and I feel great after. Unfortunately, there really isn't anyplace to walk right now. The bike trail is covered with snow, which would get my heart rate right up there, but not fun to walk in. Same goes with sidewalks. Sigh. There is a yoga class I may get to at noon and a belly dancing class this evening, but I'm twitchy NOW!

In regards to the continuing saga of the Great Wind Experiment, I'm getting a little frustrated and confused. I am fairly certain the chickpeas are off the list, at least in moderation. Although, I need to test out hummus as I think there may be something there. Pasta and bagels seem to be okay, as does tomato sauce. Onions have been added to the list. Which I found out after an unfortunate pizza incident. Luckily I was home alone. Blush.

I thought crackers were on the list, but now I'm not sure. So, it was either the hummus or the strawberries. Yesterday I splurged at the health food store and bought some gorgeous Florida organic strawberries. They were perfect! If it was them, I am going to be bitterly disappointed. I still need to test broccoli and cauliflower, which I am dreading because I really like both of these veggies! They are go-to veggies for me. Whimper.

I've also come to the conclusion that sometimes, all bets are off. I've known for a while that if I wait too long to eat, it won't matter what I consume; it's going to twist my stomach in knots. A lot of times it sneaks up on me too; the line is crossed before I ever really had a chance to deal with it. Which I think completely isn't fair, but unfortunately my stomach is tough to argue with and just won't listen to reason. I need to work with it to ensure that I give it something on a regular basis, and am pretty sure my inability to do so goes back to my "eating makes you fat" issues. Still working on those.

I am still trying to keep breads, crackers and pasta in moderation, but I have added them back into my diet. Mainly because things were getting exceedingly dull and I was going nuts. I'm trying to keep my intake down, but I've learned the hard way that trying to cut things out and saying I "can't" have anything is a sure-fire way to set myself up for a binge.

Baby steps, baby steps.

And yes, I am completely aware that I am still obsessing over food and not necessarily developing the healthiest of relationships right now. I've just switched the obsession slightly. I am working on this too.

I really envy people who have healthy relationships with food, who eat because they are hungry and stop when they are not. People who don't think about food all day every day, how it tastes so good and makes you feel so great. How nice it must be to not worry about every calorie, to just enjoy it for what it is and not think of it when you don't need to.

What is that like?

Friday, February 4, 2011

Nom nom nom nom

It all started with that damned bagel.

Then I made chickpea cutlets last night. Yeah, they're all gone.

Then I made pizza for dinner tonight. Ate the whole thing.

They all tasted so damned good. And I could. not. STOP.

Ugh.

But, I did it. It's done. It certainly can't be undone. So, I need to pick myself back up and just move on forward. Every day is a new day, every minute a new minute. I can choose to make that next minute healthier and happier than the last.

Moving forward, moving on, and letting it go.

No, really.

Starting now.

Now.

Right now.

Now?

Gah!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

White Blanket

The snow has stopped and the sun is trying to come out. We have about two feet of the white powdery stuff right now. Which means all the skiiers are calling in sick today and heading for the mountains. Can't say as I blame them. If I went in for outdoor sports I'd be doing the same. I however, prefer to sit by the fire drinking something warm. I am a creature of comfort, what can I say?

I managed to get up and dig my car out before the city plow came and buried me under. I am enjoying some coffee now and listening for the plow guy. When he gets here I'm going to move my car so he can get the parking lot properly cleared. It may be a while before he gets here.

I called work today. Sometime between 2:30 yesterday (they closed at 3:30) and 8:30 this morning someone put in an appointment for me at 10am. Crazy! Luckily someone who was already there was able to take it. My first appointment isn't until 1pm now, although I will probably go in earlier. At this point, I am just glad I don't have to be one of the many who are racing to get to work after a snow day.

I found it fascinating that, while I was outside clearing the snow, people were driving by left and right in a hurry to get to where ever it is they were going. Still are. Seriously, like twice the traffic I normally see on this road. I found it rather amusing. I mean, two feet of snow won't stop Vermonters for very long. We're used to the stuff and know how to deal with it. But it was almost like, as each car passed, I could hear "get me the hell out of my house before I start taking hostages!" I mean, really. It was one snow day. One. And now people are scrambling to get as far away as possible.

Scrambling to get to work because that one day off put them behind. There is work piled up, I've got to catch up. I've got to get going, I've got to move. I can't stand being stuck in the house anymore, I've got to got to got to GO!


From one day off.

I mean really. I'm not fond of this much white stuff myself, but we really need to get over this mentality that the world will end if we don't send out 30 emails by 10:30am and have two-hour meetings where nothing gets accomplished save for showing off our knowledge of corporate catch-phrases.

The world shouldn't stop from two feet of snow. Not in Vermont. But you know what? It's not the worst thing in the world to slow down a bit and not worry about what is or is not happening at The Office. It will be there for you when you get there. Slow down, take it easy, be safe, and take a moment to look around and wallow in the beauty of it. Because it *is* beautiful.

Annoying as all get-out, but beautiful.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Winter Wonderland

Snow! Snow! Snow!

I'd post a picture, but it's not done snowing yet and odds are pretty good you can look out your window and get a close approximation of what I'm seeing anyway. I went out at 11am and cleaned close to a foot of snow off of my car. Did some shoveling, too. It is still snowing very hard outside, and in the two hours since I completed my task my car had regained about two inches. If it keeps up like this, I'll have another foot and a half to clean off my car in the morning. Frowny face.

I was supposed to work a 3-8:30 shift today, as I agreed to cover for a friend who is in Arizona of all places this week. I take solace in the fact that it is apparently awful there too. Ha! But by the grace of all that is holy both of my appointments cancelled and work will be closing early today. Tomorrow is up for grabs; apparently my first appointment isn't until 1pm, near the end of my usual shift. They've been getting a lot of cancellations for tomorrow too, and I am hoping I get a three-day weekend.

So, I'll be spending my afternoon snuggled up with a book of no redeeming intellectual value, and this evening starting on season two of True Blood.
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I am considering making popcorn with my new popcorn popper. However, in my teeny apartment it sets off the fire alarm. So I have two options. 1) Turn the popper off before everything is done popping and hope for the best, or 2) Bring the popper into the bathroom where I can shut the door and open the window. Which I find so amusing that I may just try.

In other news, I have started my great Wind Experiment. So far, red lentils have passed the test. Tofu and soy products need to be done in moderation, but generally they are okay. Next on the list is chickpeas, which is high on my list of suspects. I've made some up and am going to try them in three forms: plain ol' beans, hummus and chickpea cutlets. I want to see if the "processing" of the latter two makes a difference. I may also at a later date try canned chickpeas, as I made these from scratch at home and I want to see if there is a difference. I cooked the living tar out of them, but it may be that I simply cannot cook them enough.

Also, yesterday I treated myself to a bagel with some faux cream cheese. It tasted wonderful. I only bought the one so I wouldn't be tempted to indulge in a bunch more. Unfortunately, later that evening as I was coming home from a belly dancing class, I got an intense craving for junk food: Morningstar Farms chik'n nuggets and fries. Or potato chips. I was up for either. I was very proud of myself for not stopping in the grocery store and indulging my craving. I came home and instead had a dinner of oven fries, made from organic russet potatoes I cut up myself. Perhaps not the healthiest of dinners, but far better than what I had cooking around in my brain. Small, but important steps.

I think the craving came in large part from the combination of fatigue and stress from driving on roads that were not in the best of conditions. I am proud that I was able to discern the reasoning behind the desire, and to find a suitable substitute using things I knew I already had. Although, I freely admit that I poured myself a glass of wine as well.

Hell, I may be trying to better myself, but I'm not gunning for sainthood or anything!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Article and Petition for You

I try very hard to stay out of politics. I try not to take sides or get too deep into the debate because, frankly, it harshes my mellow. Our system is a dysfunctional system, but better than most of the other choices currently available. So I try to keep my mouth shut and let those who can, do.

However, one of my friends posted this article about Monsanto and the deregulation of where genetically altered alfalfa can be planted. Ie, now basically everywhere. Which means that cross-contamination is all but ensured. Which means no more organic meat, dairy or produce. I urge you to read the article.

If you feel moved to do so, there is a petition that you can find here to sign. Once again, it will be the little guy that suffers here, regardless if they are organic or conventional.

Here ends my politicking. Thank you for your time, and please remember to support your local, small farms.

This is Two.

Monday the 21st was our 2-year wedding anniversary. We build the Matrimonial Pizza, with my brother officiating and my Chick of Honor wat...