Showing posts from May, 2010

A Letter to my Corporeal Self

Dear Bag of Bones I Live In,

Really? This needs to stop. This... thing you have is going on week three here. I know society calls it bronchitis but I call it a wry twist of fate. Whichever it is, it needs to end. Now.

You see, thanks to all of this coughing you're doing, you've done something to one of the ribs. It's really not happy right now. And you're continued coughing is making it much worse. I don't have health insurance, and there's nothing you can do for a busted rib anyway, save wait for it to mend on its own. Which it's never going to do until you stop coughing.

I know you're just trying to get it out of your system, but could you please choose another way? I quite literally cannot keep on like this, and if it turns into pneumonia, we're both screwed. You're making this way worse for yourself than it needs to be.

Quit being a martyr and get better already. You're not impressing anyone, and you're only hurting yourself in the l…


So... the apartment I really wanted has raised the rent to something currently out of my price range. I'm convinced that I'll have a new (and better paying) position soon at an area spa or chiropractor's office (or something) and that whatever hardships the rent raise will have will be short-term.

They want someone (ie my Mom) to co-sign on the lease.

I am so insulted. I know and understand where they are coming from, but damn it I'm 36. At this point in my life my mother should not be co-signing jack squat for me.

I'd gotten my hopes up about this place too. This is really all that's standing in my way about this apartment. My pride. But, is this place really worth the price increase? Sure, it's an amazing spot and still cheap for the location, but there is no parking to speak of, no laundry on premises, no dishwasher even. Hell, there isn't even a bed room - just an alcove! Is it worth it then? No. Am I trying to justify my decision? Yeah.

I am also d…

Upon Hoarking up a Lung.

I have bronchitis. I know this not because I went to a doctor, but rather because I would get it virtually every year growing up. Once a winter, without fail, I would spend a solid month coughing and hacking. After you've had it a few dozen times, you learn to recognize it. And there worst thing is, there is really nothing you can do about it - you just have to ride it out.

I haven't had bronchitis in years.

I am angry that I have it now. It means that I've let myself get so run down and exhausted that this childhood relic found a way through my considerable defenses. I've tried fighting what started off with a cold with lots of vitamin C, tea, miso soup, other kinds of soup, steaming hot baths, you name it. I haven't slept well in days, first because of the cold and then because of the coughing.

Yesterday, after having a coughing fit at work, I said enough was enough. I bought some Nyquil and its little sister Dayquil. I had a job interview today. There was no w…


1. This is the time of year where people are planting their gardens. Well, if you're further South (which practically everyone is) you're probably starting to see the fruits of your labor. We won't start seeing actual veggies aside from early lettuces, asparagus and garlic scapes until mid to late June. The strawberries should be out soon.

Anyway, I envy gardeners for three reasons: 1) You have a batch of dirt to call your own that you get to play in; 2) you get to eat the fruits of your labor all summer long - and longer if you know how to put them up; and 3) you can actually make things grow. I struggle to keep my Christmas cactii alive. Gardening is one of the things I have learned that I need to avoid, like sewing. Life would be much easier if I could both, but since I can't I leave it to the experts and appreciate their respective handiwork.

2. Last week I was going on about this sort-of cleanse I was doing. It went really well. I was going to see if I could conti…

Massage, My-Style

So, we're in the final stretch here at massage school. We're doing "clinicals" right now. Basically, complete strangers come in and they get a massage from us, real-life style. We had our first one waaaay back in January, but our second and third are back to back, last week and this week. Well, okay. Tomorrow.

Last week's clinical was a tough one for me. While I received great marks from both clients, the first one left me reeling. In a nut shell, he wanted more than I could give. Massage-wise. Get your head out of that gutter.

I've been really examining myself since that massage, because really the problem is *my* reaction to the massage. He gave me good marks and left feeling satisfied. But my overwhelming need to be perfect has had me negative self-talking since it happened.

However, somewhere in the last couple of days someone said something about integrating our personal preferences and styles into our practice sessions. And that's when I realized so…

"Cleanse" Update.

So this is Day 3 of my self-developed "cleanse." Which is really just very healthy, very light eating. But whatevs. When you've been junking it up eating healthy is a cleanse. It's been going really well. I feel very light and satisfied. I've noticed that it takes less to make me not hungry - note not full. I'm not eating to fullness, I'm eating to satisfaction. Which many in the weight loss community would say is the key between being a healthy weight and packing it on. I've been keeping to the plan very well. Mainly because I'm not actively saying I can't have anything - I'm just not eating it. That subtle distinction seems to be the key for me. Otherwise, I get all rebellious and want to eat what I "can't."

Anyway, I think I'm going to continue on with this until, well, I run out of vegetables I guess. Last night I did have some beans and rice - mainly because it was late when I got home from work and I was wrecked. I…

My Own Worst Enemy

I am a perfectionist. For a very long time I denied this fact, but it's true. I somehow believe that I am capable of some godlike ability to do everything exactly right the first time around.


This actually gets in the way of me trying a lot of new things. Because if I can't be successful at it right off the bat, I don't want to bother. Learning curve be damned. Apparently I'm supposed to be able to learn everything through osmosis and don't need to practice or sit and learn or anything. Like in the Matrix where they just download everything into your brain. "I know Kung Fu!" Indeed, Neo. Indeed.

Again I repeat. Ha.

So obviously this is a source of stress for me whenever I'm not "as good" as I'd like to be. Most times, I am actually pretty good at whatever it is I'm trying to do. I'm just not "as good" as what I feel I should be. I am getting better at talking myself down from the "you suck you can't do this…

A Cleanse. Sorta.

I believe I've talked before about a fruit and veggie fast I got of the Weight Watchers vegetarian message boards a few years ago. Essentially, you take a weekend and eat nothing but fruits and veggies. Minimal oil, no fatty condiments, starchy veggies like potatoes are limited to one a day. No grains, no real proteins unless you absolutely need it. You can eat 'em hot or cold, preparation is up to you.

I very much like the idea of this, but the reality is my body isn't as keen as I am. Some people can eat like this with no problem. I am not one of them.The shear load of fruits and veggies with no protein or carbs to dilute them makes me starving, cranky, and crampy.

Aren't you glad you know that now?

I've been feeling for a while now that I need a cleanse of sorts. I've been eating a LOT of carbs and processed foods. And cookies. Have I mentioned all the cookies I've been eating? A lot of cookies. So, since it's spring and all I thought a little inter…


Found out in class today that my feet are seriously effed up. Well, okay I kinda knew that. But in addition to being pronated (I walk on the outsides of my feet) my arches are also beginning to fall. Not good. I've been kind of suspicious of that for a while now, but to have confirmation of it is a little depressing. A dancer with fallen arches? Not me! Well, yes apparently, me.

The good news is that I think it's been caught pretty early. There are exercises you can do to help strengthen your tibialis posterior (one of the muscles that helps hold up the medial arch of the foot) and I really need to pay more attention to how I'm carrying my weight when I stand/walk. Basically I need to retrain all of my leg muscles. Fun fun!

And just so you know, I spent the last 20 minutes wiki'ing tibialis anterior, posterior and longitudinal versus medial arches of the foot. Because my brain will retain nothing. Dear god how the hell am I going to make it as a massage therapist if I …

Happy Birthday!

Today is my birthday. I am 36 years old. I didn't do anything special today (unless you count a 2nd interview for a job which went extremely well) and I didn't have any cake.

But today, I am 36. Today is my day.

I'm still trying to figure out how I got to be this age. I mean, somehow I just can't fathom it. No believes I'm that old when I tell them (most figure me to be in my late 20's). I'll take it, believe me. But I don't feel 36. I feel like I'm in my late 20's.

Well, except when I get up in the morning and everything creaks for a bit before it gets started.

I am 36.

Holy fuck.

Cross Your Fingers!

Tomorrow (on my birthday, no less) I have a second interview at an area chiropractic office. The position I am interviewing for is a Massage Therapist/Chiropractic Assistant. The office firmly believes in an integrated approach to treating clients, and by all accounts it seems to be an up and coming business. It would be a part-time position, but it would go a long way to giving me my weekends back. I would cut my hours back at the salon (or find another part-time position) until I can obtain my National Certification.

I am very excited about this opportunity. I will learn so much here. It will really help to augment and reinforce all I've been taught to date, and it will give me plenty of real-world experience.

Cross your fingers for me at 12:30pm EST on May 11th!!!

Wanna Know a Dirty Little Secret?

Next Tuesday, I will be 36. Yes, that's right. The last year I can officially say I'm in my mid-30's. After this, the long slow slide to 40 starts. I'm not looking forward to 40. 30, I liked. I had no problem with 30. But 40? That's like seriously adult. I mean, no going back there. If you're not acting like an adult at 40, then you're just sad.

So, with that introduction, here are the things in my life that I'm dealing with that, as an adult who's in her mid-30's, I feel I should be exempt from:

Dating. At this point most of my compatriots are quite happily married/paired up with various amounts of offspring running about. I'm just done with the dating song and dance. Are you a relatively good looking guy that doesn't smell, has a halfway decent ability to socialize, and has a job? Great. You're hired.Moving. I'm going to have to move again, by July 1st. I am not looking forward to this having already moved once back in January. …

I Find Your Lack of Faith Disturbing.

Happy International Star Wars Day!

I got nuthin'.

Okay, well obviously I got sumthin', I just don't know what.

Sorry for the lack of posts lately... hasn't been much to post about since my last one. I had last week off from school so I was trying as hard as possible not to think. Spent some time at my mom's, then came back and worked the weekend. Did some schoolwork after I finally owned up to the fact that it actually needed to get done by Tuesday.

Got some stuff percolatin' here and there, but too soon to tell about any of it. Although, I'm sure at some point I'll muse about it esoterically and y'all will go away scratching your heads wondering what the hell I was talking about.

Much like this here post.

Oh! I had my second tutorial at school on Friday. It went really well. This teacher intimidates me a little, as fabulous as she is, so her positive feedback went a long way to boosting my confidence. Also, I got some really good feedback from the externship as well. So, things seem to be coming toget…