Thursday, November 5, 2009


I am discovering this evening that I still have some anger and hostility built up regarding something I'm going to be rather vague about. So, I apologize in advance to my few wonderful readers who have no idea what's going on.

It's been three months. Three quiet, blissful months where I'd found my happiness. Three months where I'd thought I'd let go of everything and moved on. And then....

The Call. The one that tries to suck you back in to the craziness. The one that, as you listen to it, sucks you right back to where you were a year ago and all the frustration and anger comes back like it never left.

The odd thing is, I'm still not entirely sure how to go about dispelling these feelings of anger and resentment. They built up for two years and dragged me further down than I realized at the time. I was in a terrible place and it was affecting every aspect of my life. I truly didn't realize until after I'd left. This tremendous weight had been lifted off my shoulders. That's when I realized that I hadn't been happy in two years. Two years of not feeling that emotion. Can you believe that? I can't.

I'm angry at them for making me feel this way. Perhaps I'm angry at myself for letting them make me feel this way. Words cannot express the dysfunction I left, because it was subtle and innocuous and easily missed. It was a general sensation of something being Not Right.

Things are Right now. I refuse to allow myself to be pulled back. Because all they need is an opening. Just a chink in the drywall. That's how it starts.

Well, I have news for you. I'm done, I'm gone, and I'm not coming back. The call went straight to voicemail. It is going to remain unreturned. There will be no guilt, because a returned call is a chink and we've caulked all those bad boys up.

And I'm going to find a way to release all this anger and resentment that is doing me no good.

No comments:

So.... You Want to be an Artist.

For the last several weeks, I have been working through The Artist's Way . This book has been out since the 1990's and I've been...