Sunday, November 22, 2009

As It Silently Slips Away

Friends are the family you choose as opposed to the family you were born into. They are the ones who keep you sane in an otherwise crazy world. When there is no one left to turn to, there is always a friend. They laugh with you, cry with you, tell you to stop being a dumbass, that yes those pants really do make you look fat, and no you shouldn't be dating him (however fine his ass may be).

It would seem that I've been recently "laid off" by an old high school friend. I think the reality is that the friendship ran its course a long time ago. Time and distance have a way of severing ties like nothing else. You can hold on and hold on to those frazzled ends, but eventually those frayed ends snap. Sometimes it snaps badly, leaving both ends tending raw wounds that never heal; sometimes it just unravels quietly, leaving you to think "I wonder how so-and-so is doing these days?" at random moments.

I think part of the problem was that on some level, we saw each other as we were all those years ago in high school. Our images of each other never changed, despite the fact that we grew into two very different individuals. In seeing each other through lenses cracked with time and clouded with old information, we never really saw the people we turned out to be.

And that happens. It's not a bad thing, it is just simply what happened. I will always wish the best for her, and if you are reading this now I will always consider you to be a friend and will always want the best for you and your family.

And who knows? Perhaps this isn't the end of a friendship after all. Perhaps this is just the winter hibernation, and the seed of friendship will sprout anew in the springtime. Perhaps we will see each other with fresh, new eyes for the people we are now. Perhaps old grievances will fall away and we will be left standing face to face with nothing but ourselves and the promise of friendship renewed.

I would like that very much.

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