Thursday, October 29, 2009


Goals for tomorrow:
  1. Sleep until my eyes pop open
  2. Convince my eyes to close for another hour or two
  3. Waste a couple hours IM'ing friends while sitting in bed watching Regis & Kelly and drinking coffee
  4. Maybe, possibly go for a walk. Or not.
  5. Nap.
  6. Maybe finish Wizard and Glass, as I've only been reading it for a month and a half now.
  7. Resign myself to the fact that I do have to go to work at 5pm, and as it is 4:45 I should probably leave.

I know that's a lot to fit in. I'm pretty confident that I'll be able to make it happen. I'm a good organizer like that.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Observation: Depth

Your depth is your history
Your past
It forms you, shapes you
Makes you who you are
In this moment
There are some
who have made peace
with their depth
Others who cannot
Get out of its shadow
Still others refuse
to admit it is still back there
Shaping them still
I think I am the latter
I do not think of/dwell in the past
But still I drag it along behind me
Like a dirty, ragged security blanket
Maybe it is time
I turned around

Monday, October 26, 2009

Reality Check

Actual conversation yesterday at work.

Me, answering phone: Good afternoon, this is _____ salon. This is me, can I help you?

Her: Hi, I've been a regular customer for years and I need to know if one of the stylists can see my daughter today.

Me: Okay, is she looking for a hair cut or something else?

Her: Actually, we need their help diagnosing something. There's something wrong with my daughter's scalp and I'm not sure what it is. I don't think it's lice, but I'm not sure. Can someone over there take a look at it and maybe treat it?

Me: (stunned that she wants to bring a kid with lice into a hair salon) Um, ma'am, if you're daughter has lice than you can't bring her here, I'm sorry.

Her (getting increasingly distraught): But I'm not sure that's what it is! I mean, we're clean! She goes to a good private school!

Me: Well, ma'am, you can actually get lice pretty much anywhere...

Her (not liking that comment at ALL): I've been going to this salon for years! Can't you guys treat this?

Me: No, we do not treat lice here.

Her: I'm not sure that's what it is! I need someone to look at it for me!

Me: Ma'am, if you child is having a scalp issue that's really bothering her and she's in discomfort then that's something for a doctor, not a hair stylist. I suggest you call your doctor.

Her (frantic now): But I need this fixed today!!!!!

Me: Well, there is always the hospital and you can get kits at any pharmacy--

Her (cutting me off): I've been going there for years and I am NOT HAPPY with your service AT ALL! I'm going to call the owner of the salon and tell him that YOU wouldn't help me!"

(hangs up on me).

Yeah lady, you do that. I think he'd much rather lose you as a customer than have to shut the entire salon down for 24+ hours while it gets fumigated. Your embarrassment over having to tell your private school that your daughter has lice is not my problem.

Friday, October 23, 2009

I Need a Blackberry.

I have discovered that since embarking on my return to school/change of career that, in order to fit in everything that needs to be done in a day, I am a scheduling fiend.

I always used to kind of laugh at the nursing students back at college who would schedule their days out to the minute in order to do what needed to get done. Laughing no more. I find that if I don't do it, not everything gets done.

Like today for example. I gave myself "permission" to sleep in this morning. Mainly because I've been fighting a weird coldy thing this week and I've been feeling run down. So, I woke up at like 8:45 or so. I had until 10:00am to have breakfast, fart around on the interweb and maybe clean my room so it looks like less of a sty.

10-12: Studying my anatomy for a quiz on Tuesday, making up study guide, etc etc

12-1: Lunch

1-2:30: reading for anatomy and writing up chapter summary

2:30-3:30: start choreography for dance performance on 11/14.

3:30-4:00: shower (yes, I have to schedule in a shower!)

4:00-4:45: early dinner and get ready for work

4:45: leave for work for arrival at 5:00.

Obviously, right now I should be cleaning up my sty of a room and not telling y'all about it, so there is some flexibility. If something gets done early, I'll squeeze something else in, like a 20 minute cat nap or quick trip to the store for junkfood something healthy and filled with natural energy that will support my active lifestyle.

I'm working on even less free time these days as I've started practicing on people outside of class now. Which actually eats up the few hours I had to be indulgently lazy really focus on recharging my personal batteries.

It's all for the greater good and I'm not complaining, it's just a very different shift than what I'm used to. Being this busy is a new thing for me!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Bam! Pow!

Today in massage therapy class, we were working on the backs of each other's legs. We were trying out an "invigorating" flow, which includes faster movements, compressions and tapotements. Those are what they sound like: a tapping on the body. There are various methods to choose from, including the "hacking" method, slapping, and other methods of "stimulating" the body.

Massage Hacking Technique - The best bloopers are a click away

The key to doing any of this stuff is with a soft hand. If you do it with a stiff, hard hand you're beating them up. It feels really good to have done, and if done correctly it really can stimulate and release the muscles. And a light touch with these moves doesn't work. You don't want to go to hard, but light isn't going to make a difference.

Anyway, I was at that part of the flow and one of the teachers comes over and says "you know, you can do that with a little more pressure." In other words, really get into it. And she demonstrated and she really started to wail on the person I was practicing on. As the teacher was demonstrating the more vigorous application I felt this moment of horror and nearly blurted out "but I can't hit her!!!!"

You see, when I was much younger (and maybe not so much younger) I was not one to necessarily vocalize my emotions. Instead, I would hit someone if I felt some pent up emotion. Usually my younger brother but as I got older it became a bad habit and I would show the least little bit of frustration by hitting the person next to me, often a friend.

It is not something I'm proud of and it took a LONG time to break myself of it. Honestly, I think one reason I haven't had kids is because I'm terrified I will fall back into that awful habit and start hitting out of anger and frustration again. That is not who or what I ever want to be.

I am trying to process this realization and frankly I'm not sure how to proceed. On the one hand, I know it is a authorized, legitimate procedure that I am learning and its application has definite positive merits. On the other hand, do I really want to give myself permission to start hitting people again? Is this a place I want to go?

I guess for now, this is just something I'm going to have to monitor in myself. It may well be that I'll do it for school and leave it on the sidelines once I'm practicing. Or maybe I'll get over that need to hit.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Ear Worm

Get this one out of your head:

Do your ears hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot,
Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Can you throw them
Over your shoulder
Like a continental soldier?
Do your ears hang low?

You're welcome.

Thursday, October 8, 2009


I thought I had to work after class today. Turns out I didn't. Fine by me. Of course, that means a smaller paycheck which isn't the best thing, but jeezum crow I'm tired. Physically and emotionally.

Today at class we did this thing where we all picked one or more cards from various decks (one was a "power" deck, one was from the four agreements, and there were a couple others I'm forgetting). Then we all went around the circle and shared what the cards said to us.

The card I picked was "Nurture" and I interpreted as a very positive, supportive card. I was actually thrilled to pick it and felt very good about it. However, a lot of the other students in the circle had very powerful reactions to the messages in their respective cards. The further around the circle we got, the weepier everyone became.

Needless to say, everyone was moved in one way or another by the time we were done. But everyone needed space. It was the first time I can remember where everyone got the hell out of dodge for our lunch hour.

Personally, after this exercise I felt very humbled and awed by the experience. I also felt completely off kilter and really not with it for a good part of the afternoon. Getting worked on a little definitely helped bring me back a little, but I think what I really needed was to hole up at home in my own little den and get myself back into myself. If that makes any sense whatsoever.

One of our upcoming assignments is to write our emotional autobiography. I am not looking forward to it. Not because everyone in the group will be weepy. I am afraid I will be weepy. And I'm just not sure if I want to go there.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Good Day.

Today we worked in groups of three, and one in my group was the person I had so much difficulty working with a couple weeks ago.

I am pleased to say that it went much better today.

I am still trying to figure out what it is that is being triggered in me that makes me so nervous and self-conscious around her. She is a good person with a lot of knowledge, so I am working on that.

I am just glad that today went well and it didn't spiral.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Poetry Corner

I rarely share any of the poetry I write. Mainly because it's insanely personal. Usually my poems are an "immediate release of emotions" kind of thing. They usually come out in five minutes tops and address what is going on for me at that moment. They could be totally irrelevant twenty minutes later.

I also tend to not share them because I think they are kinda crappy. But anyway. It's insanely early on a Sunday morning and I felt the urge to post a couple I'm thinking are a little less crappy. This was all stuff written a while ago. Not sure how long; I don't date them.

I am stone
carved, cold stone
still, stone
Don't touch me
lest I shatter
and pierce your heart
It will bleed
cold, glistening rubies
bleed out
bleed out
Now our veins are both bare

Get Thee Gone
Shut the doors against the memories
Bar the windows
Nail them shut
It seems I can't move on
While you linger in the shadows
So I light the lights
To drive you out
You chose to leave
But you left yourself behind
So now I cast those pieces of you
To the wind
And hope they don't return
Lest they set fresh wounds

The sound of rain
Constant, comforting
The smell of candles
Heady, perfumed
Sacred night, this

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Procrastination and Highlighters

I am procrastinating. I am trying to do some of my reading for next week. My pink highlighter just gave out. So of course, I have to blog about it. You understand, right? These aren't your run-of-the-mill highlighters, no sir. These are pen-shaped little lovelies:
BIC Brite Liner Highlighters, Pink, Dozen
I've been using pink for highlighting homework, but pink just died. I have no more pink. I have yellow and blue and green, but no pink. I will need to go to Staples and get some more. Or maybe just buy stock in them since I seem to go through them so quickly.

I really want the pink ones.

So.... You Want to be an Artist.

For the last several weeks, I have been working through The Artist's Way . This book has been out since the 1990's and I've been...