Monday, February 16, 2009

I should be happy.

I mean, I just got off a wonderful long weekend in Florida. I had a blast, hanging out with my friends who relocated down there. We didn't do much except hang out, but that was exactly what I needed. I had so much fun.

So why am I so terribly sad now?

I mean, I have reasons I could give, but really I think they're just feeding the problem and aren't the problem in and of themselves. So what's the bigger issue? And why am I so friggin' sad, anyway? I mean, really. There isn't a lot in my life I should be sad about. I should be grateful for everything I have. There are so many in this world who would kill for what I have. 

What is missing in my life? What am I not letting in my life that would fill this void? Why do I think there is a void to begin with?

I am reading this book now called Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. It's been out for a while but basically, she wrote it after spending a year living in three different countries: Italy, India, and Indonesia. She went on this voyage of self-discovery after going through a difficult divorce. I'm two-thirds of the way through the book and I am jealous that she was able to do this voyage of self-discovery. That she was brave enough, that she had the finances, that blah blah blah. 

Every once in a while in my life I have this feeling of claustrophobia. That I want to run away from all of the pressing responsibilities and just not be here anymore. I don't know where I'd go or what I'd do, or what I'd even be looking for. I don't doubt that it would solve none of my problems, and in fact give me even more to be sad over. But... sometimes that desire to run just gets so hard to ignore.

What do you do when you want/need to escape, but you have no idea from what, or how to go about doing it?

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