Saturday, November 29, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
‘Twas the night of Thanksgiving, and all through the house
All the creatures were comatose, even the mouse
Pants were unbuttoned for a last gasp of air
In hopes things would settle a bit way in there
The children are downstairs, drawn in by the Wii
The adults sit around and drink wine with glee
Mama just spiked the last of the cider
With auntie going down right along side her
When out on the roof there arose such a clatter,
We lumbered outside to see what was the matter
Outside we all gathered and in confusion looked around
And saw our next-door neighbor’s turkey lying on the ground
The carcass was the color of fresh black charcoal
And belatedly came the cry “look out below!”
Then, to our amazed eyes did appear
A half-torched young man with a look of glazed fear
The poor dazed young soul, so stunned and ferschnic’d
Did look like he’d seen the ghost of St. Nick
He stumbled around in our general direction
And shouted to us in slightly slurred diction:
“Now you, and you!
Get away from my bird,
I can salvage it yet,
Step away little nerd!
I’ll just brush it off
And pop it back in the fryer
Now that it’s defrosted
It can’t go any higher!”
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky
so up to the dusty, dirty carcass he flew,
snatched it from the ground, as our eyes wide grew.
And then with a cackle and a walk still half-lame
He bounded wildly back to that whence he came
And we heard him exclaim as he danced down the way
“I’ll win this battle yet, if it takes me all damned day!!!”
- The family still in my life
- New friends who have found their way into my life, old friends who have found their way back into my life, and current friends spread near and far
- My home, and its ability to keep the heat in and the cold out
- The food I eat, and that I am able to afford to eat organically as often as I like
- My job, and that with all that going on with the economy I still have it
- Everything that I've learned about myself this past year
- Books and movies ;-)
- Falling back in love with dancing
- Discovering the joys of yoga for the first time
- The beauty all around me in this amazing State I live in
- The sense of hope everyone seems to have these days
Sunday, November 23, 2008
I look like I'm being swallowed alive by a muppet, don't I? Hee hee... the scarf actually knit up nice and soft. I know there are a lot of yarn snobs who turn their noses up at fun fur, but I had some (forget where I got it) and, let's face it, it's got personality. This is going to be someone's holiday present. I've got a fair idea of who (she has the personality to pull off a skinned-muppet scarf, LOL), but shan't say anything here. On a personal level... yay, I finished a knitting project! Only four left to start/finish. Ugh.
In non-knitting news, I was a cooking fiend this weekend. Friday night, I made blueberry muffins, brownies and chickpea cutlets for my dinner on Thanksgiving. Saturday I made two dozen dinner rolls, which came out very well. I used eggs, alas. Today I made mushroom gravy (from Veganomicon, of course) for my dinner on Thursday, and I also made some daal for me to eat off this week. Weirdest daal I ever made. I had lentils and most of the spices.... kinda fudged the other half of the recipe. It's probably not even daal. But, as my brother says, it fills the hole. And it tastes good enough. I still have stuffing to make, and vegetable to cut up, but I'll do that later this week.
Saw the space I'll be performing at on Saturday. My classmates/teacher and I ran through our group number a few times. It's coming along. Thank goodness we're going to be going through it tomorrow and Friday, because we need the extra rehearsal time. We're not all keeping time the same way, so we (okay, I) tend to get ahead in one part of the dance. We'll figure it out. Hopefully by Saturday or things will get interesting!
Friday, November 21, 2008
I know I watch too much television. It's amazing the amount of time I spend zoning out in front of it, or having it on whilst I'm doing other things. It's not healthy I'm sure. If I had kids I certainly wouldn't let them watch the amount I do.
My only defense (and it is a lame one) is that usually by the time I get home from work my brain wants nothing more entered into it. It's done for the day. But the thing is, that's not necessarily true. I can get my butt to bellydancing easily enough twice a week. Sure, by the time I get home I'm wiped, but once dinner and a shower are done, it's only two hours a night instead of...well, more than I want to count up, actually.
This evening, I had the television on briefly after work, then turned it off. I've made brownies and blueberry muffins so far, and am thinking about moving on to something else. I'm getting quite a bit accomplished in the time I'm not sitting in front of that big mind-sucking screen. I think I need to do this more often.
Maybe one of my New Year's goals will be to watch less television. Do more with my time, be more productive, read more books, learn something new... anything!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Are they insinuating that I am hairy?
2. I just turned the heat on for the season. We can normally get away with a delayed heat turning on because our apartment is insulated on three sides by other apartments. It's supposed get down into the teens tonight, and the rest of the week. Our highs aren't topping 32. I cranked the heat up to a whopping 65 and it clicked on immediately. Hopefully I cleaned off enough of the dust so it doesn't set off the fire alarm. I can smell it now. I guess it'll burn off eventually, right?
3. When I used to live in Waterbury, I lived in an attic apartment. The geniuses who converted the apartment placed the heater on the middle of a wall, about 6 inches down from the slanted ceiling. Whenever I turned the heat up past, say, 60, the hot air would travel up the slanted ceiling to the regular ceiling and set the fire alarm off. This happened once at 3:00am. Scared the shit out of me. Ever since then, I've been unable to tolerate the sound of fire alarms.
4. Have you checked out the puppy cam yet? You should check it out. Your head will explode from the cuteness of these puppies. Seriously.
5. I should be knitting. I have too many craft projects to finish by December 25th. I don't think it's going to happen. Good intentions are difficult to wrap.
6. America's Next Top Model finale is tonight. I think the figure skater girl is going to win. What's her name? Analeigh. Let's see if I'm right.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
2. I did a lot of cooking this weekend. It was too dreary and rainy for anything else. I made blackberry muffins, dinner rolls, potato and leek soup, and lasagna. It's all super yummy too. Bet your jealous. You should be, it's good.
3. As part of my ongoing quest to eat more veganly whilst at home (I fail miserably everywhere else), this weekend's baking was also known as "Experimentation with Flax as Replacement for Eggs". I thought everything came out well, but apparently the flax gives the rolls some kind of taste that my brother doesn't like. So, I'll be nixing the flax and adding an egg into the roll recipe. Jeez. Maybe if I find that egg replacer stuff. I don't think that gives anything a bad taste. I'll have to look for it this weekend.
4. I took my first yoga class in two months Saturday. I am still sore. My shoulders and hamstrings have told me in no uncertains terms I should not wait so long between classes. I am so sorry, hammies and shoulders, that I have not kept you as stretchy as I should have. I will do better by you, I swear.
5. I need to find a kick-ass outfit for New Year's Eve. I'll be in New York City (woo-hoo!), although not in Times Square, as I find that no longer appealing at all. There will most likely be at least one bar involved however, so I feel it necessary to represent Vermont in a way that does not give the impression we are all hicks. I will do my best, homies.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Way back in the day, Vermont started out with "Civil Unions." There was a huge backlash against it (mainly in the Northeast Kingdom), pulling out biblical "evidence" that marriage is between a man and a woman only. Luckily, this faction was out-numbered and the civil union amendment passed.
Now, people in California are fighting the good fight to have the right to be married. In the recent election, Prop 8 was narrowly voted in, denying the rights of gays to be married. Now, people all across the US are pulling to have it repealed.
I guess I just don't understand why people are so afraid of this. Why does it matter who marries whom? Really. Someone explain why. And using the bible as "proof" doesn't count. We have separation of church and state here in the US, so using religion to repudiate civil rights doesn't cut it. Legally, Prop 8 is denying a section of the population rights. That is discrimination, pure and simple. Last I checked, the US had laws against discrimination. Funny, that.
If you love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them, that is your right and your choice. If you want to make a legal, binding contract with someone (ie marriage), and you are of sound mind, are not being coerced, and are of legal age, there is no reason why you should not be allowed to do so.
I do not understand this kind of hate, this kind of ignorance. I just don't. I don't ever want to, either. I don't ever want to be the kind of person who hates so blindly and thinks so little.
Love whom you wish, marry whom you love. It's really that simple.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
I've been jittery, twitchy, shaky today. Not sure why. Caffeine intake hasn't increased exponentially. But for some reason my body felt the need to shake and twitch. My eye especially. I'm not sure what this means. It seems to have abated so I'm not going to worry about it too much. It was doing the same for a bit yesterday too. Herm. I wonder....
My latest thing I've been thinking about is my habit of putting things off. Sometimes (okay most times) it's because I'm lazy. Other times, it's because I have a sneaky suspicion that if I just wait a bit I'll get what I want or the situation will change and my actions won't be relevant anymore. This happens a lot. So much so that it's often my default setting - wait and see.
Well, for the past few months I've been in "wait and see" mode in regards to a certain aspect of my life. Not the aspect I was talking about in yesterday's blog, but one was influencing the other. Now that one part has fallen away, I'm reconsidering my "wait and see" plan. On the one hand, it still seems relevant to do so. Not necessarily for the same reasons, but still relevant. On the other hand, I don't much see the point waiting anymore. The outcome I'd been wanting is no longer a viable option.
So, do I continue with the wait and see or do I just say bugger it and move forward? The woo-woo part of me says that if I'm truly meant to stay where I am a little longer, the Universe will find a way to keep me here. Lord know It seems to revel in fucking with me, so I don't doubt it would find a way to foul my best-laid plans. I guess in the end, it doesn't hurt to try. Which is what I'll think I'll do. I've put my life on hold long enough.
This post is muddy clear, isn't it? My apologies. Email me if you want the details. Although you probably don't because I highly doubt anyone cares but me.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Whoever said that was a fraking genius.
I had a nice, long weekend this weekend. I had today (Veteran's Day) off from work, so I took yesterday as well. It was nice to be able to do things on my own schedule and not have to worry about cramming all the little things (ie laundry) in between sleeping and working.
In some respects the weekend was quite uneventful. I took some walks, made some strawberry scones, got my snow tires put on (urgh). I finished my choreography for my recital at the end of the month. I'm making the cholent recipe from Veganomicon again right now. It's homey, comforting and perfect for a cold November evening. This is going to become one of my stand-by recipes, I think.
In one respect, the weekend was rather eventful, for reasons I can't really go into here. Well, I could but I won't. Those of you who know me know what I'm talking about or know how to get in touch. The rest of you can all scratch your heads in puzzlement. You know, the both of you who happen to stumble here.
Suffice it to say that I've decided that sometimes no matter how much you want something to work out, there are other factors that just aren't in your favor. You can do everything in your power to try to hold on to it, but in the end its a losing battle. I've stepped back as gracefully as I could. The doesn't make the pain any less real for me, but screaming and raving to the heavens isn't going to help. I don't think there is anything I could or should have done differently.
That said, I'm really glad that I happened to buy that bottle of wine yesterday. It was supposed to be for Thanksgiving, but there's a glass of it next to me now and it's taking the edge off an otherwise gray, cold, sleety, weepy day.
Here's to November, mofo's.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
I still write poetry from time to time, but it has been years since I've cranked out anything over a few lines long. I have loads of half-finished (or even quarter-finished) stories saved on this machine and I never bring them out to see how things stand.
When I think about it, the writing had been ebbing and flowing for years, but it stopped altogether after my dad died in December 2001. I just didn't/couldn't write anymore. I didn't know what to say, and moreover it just didn't matter. It's not necessarily that I was writing anything for him or his approval - I don't think he ever read anything I wrote. I guess I just couldn't go there. I didn't want to go too deeply into my imagination because I was afraid of what I might find there, what might be dug up.
The truth of the matter is, his death still hurts me, still haunts me. Does one ever really get over anything like that? Likely not. Maybe that is one reason I have yet to go back to writing anything other than the occasional poem. I might not like what it dredges up. I think though, that it is time I reconsidered this avenue. My imagination has always gotten the better of me, and without an outlet sometimes it just runs off, dragging me behind it in the dirt.
It took me three years to find the words to write this poem. It's the first time I've ever shared it with anyone. Now, I'm sharing it with all of you. Maybe this will be a catalyst of sorts, to help me move on and move past whatever it is that is holding me here, now.
Words can be meaningless
Didn't you know that?
You stole them from me
For three years
The things I wanted most to say
Were left unsaid
Because words failed me
Didn't you know
You were supposed to live forever?
I guess I've finally found some words
But I'll still never be able to say
How much I miss you
Or how much you meant to me
Because even when you were alive
I never had the words
I have to say good bye now
Because I have to move forward
This holding pattern I've been forced
to spiral in needs to end
I still have life left in this body
And I want to experience it
While I can
Friday, November 7, 2008
For those of you saying what the hell? and diet pepsi sucks why are you drinking that shit?, the answers are:
- I gave it up two months ago because it's terrible for you and I was drinking too much
- Because I'm addicted to it, moron.
So, as with the person giving up smoking only to inhale that one blessed drag of a drunken evening, so too do I go down the road of good intentions and bad follow through. The money is spent, the can cracked. All I can do now is enjoy its inherent nastiness and begin again tomorrow.
For tomorrow is a new day. One free from cola addiction and full of healthy water that tastes like nothing and doesn't hit the spot.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
My brother has been mooching of friend's cards for years now, and I've only ever been twice. But they have a huge selection of organic food, and with much cheaper prices than any of the health food stores around here. The organic produce alone would probably be worth the membership.
Okay, scratch that. Being able to purchase Christmas presents at significantly reduced prices will make it worth while.
So... now I just need to wait for the card to arrive. Then I too will be a bulk-buying fool.
How many cans of organic garbanzo beans will fit in my pantry, I wonder...
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Given the day and the recent electoral happening, I feel like I should probably comment, as a gazillion other people will comment. Frankly, I have very little time or interest in politics. I am not involved in it, nor do I ever plan to. I applaud all those who do find it interesting and facinating, as they make up for the losers like me. They do the work, get down and dirty, for a cause they feel is just. They are better people than I.
Having said that, I sincerely hope that having to say President Obama for the next four years will open people's minds and hearts to new possibilities, ideas, and ways of doing things. This change is long in coming and I think it is the kick in our collective asses that might do us as a nation some good.
I've long said that the United States is the "annoying teenager" country in the international arena - so certain that we know what's best when all the "adults" are just humoring us. Maybe now we'll be seen more as a mature figure than someone throwing a fit because the world doesn't run the way we think it should.
And this will most likely be the last political anything you will ever see my type.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Oh, and I was right - I didn't remember most the choreography. And the stuff that I did remember sucked. So, I'm back to the drawing board. I was trying to do it for my teacher, and I kept saying "how the hell did I get over there from here?!?" "What do these notes mean?!?" "What the unholy f*ck was I thinking?!?" "Damn damn, shit, damn!" That was when I gave up, went home, and crawled onto the couch and a warm blanket. Which is the plan for tonight, most definitely. I'll work on the choreography tomorrow.
Meanwhile, if you see me curled up under my desk, covered with my jacket and using my purse as a pillow, just leave me be...
Sunday, November 2, 2008
I did manage to finish choreographing my piece for the end of the month. The big question is will I remember it tomorrow? Choreographing in this condition is not recommended. I'm not sure if I'm entirely happy with it. I feel like I'm flailing around too much. I need a second opinion to watch it and tell me if it looks good. I'm hoping it does, because I'm fresh out of ideas.
I was going to bake muffins or something, but I didn't. Two hours dancing about my living room left me sore, stuffy, and exhausted. My "grand plan" for this evening is to work on the scarf I'm knitting (always scarves), watch the Simpson's Halloween special, pop a NyQuil and fall off into the Land of Weird Dreams.
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